Whats Love Got To Do With It

[Arthur Pendragon]

It was night and Arthur had to admit he was very relieved to be back in his room . . . away from her. Now, there wasn't anything terribly wrong with her. She was . . . different. Yes. That was what it was. Different. But that was not the problem he had. He was certain she was a lovely woman, but not one that Arthur wanted to marry. The fact that his father had awkwardly mentioned that when she arrived earlier in the day had left Arthur frazzled and very . . . shocked by this abrupt proposal. It wasn't even a proposal! For it seemed his father had already made all the arrangements. Had Arthur no say at all? He would be committing the rest of his life to this woman . . . and she was not the one he loved. He had a very different kind of woman in mind, one he could more easily see as his wife. One who already had claim over his heart, and it certainly was not Lady Elena.

Arthur took off his cape, waiting for Merlin to arrive, not only so he could help prepare him for bed, but because Arthur felt as if he was going to explode if he did not discuss this with someone. And at the same time, he knew he would not speak of too many emotional details to Merlin. Arthur was never the best at vocalizing his feelings and when Merlin asked, he often just threw something at him to shut him up. But, it was nice to have that company for Merlin was becoming more like a brother at heart rather than a servant. Usually Arthur would confide in Guinevère about almost anything and everything, but this would be the one thing he could not ask her about . . . for he knew it would cause her discomfort. He had spent the last couple of years convincing her that they could have a future together, especially after Lady Vivian, and he knew that this moment she had been talking about: when he would marry someone for the good of the kingdom.

He did not feel that this would be for the good of the kingdom. He envisioned himself marrying her, and being miserable for the rest of his life for it was not someone he wanted to be with; it was not someone he wanted to call his wife; it was not someone he wanted to have children with . . . he did not love her. How could his father say it had nothing to do with love when he said how much he loved Ygraine? How could he expect Arthur to be happy with someone that he had absolutely no feelings for. Arthur could not just let this happen! He would tell his father as such for it would not be the first time he stood against him, but this was also his life, something that determined the rest of his future. He was not willing to accept it and at the same time, this was also something that it seemed his father was not going to back down from. And that was what worried Arthur the most.

_{Setting: Castle of Camelot; starts in Arthur's chambers
Time of Day: Late at night
Timeline: During The Changeling
Tag: Merlin
Notes: Pillow fight!}

[em]

Merlin headed into Arthur’s chambers. It had been a pretty awkward day to say the least.

He noticed the Prince was lost in his own thoughts and knew his friend was troubled over the recent arrival of Princess Elena and her father. He’d seen the look on Arthur’s face when Uther had mentioned something to him before Elena had even entered the hall. It was more of shock if Merlin knew his friend like he did his magic book. Of course he’d seen the look of protest too, but that hadn’t gone far because already the two royals had entered the hall. Princess Elena startling everyone but tripping over face flat on the floor.
She was an odd one. Nothing at all like her father from first impressions.

Merlin closed the door behind him. “Well…that was…interesting?” he struggled to think of the right word to sum up the events of the day.
He noticed Arthur’s face and waved his hand in front of it. “Hellooooooo? Arthur?”. He gave a small huff, “Come on then…what’s wrong? With a face like sour milk there has to be something that’s made you like that…or perhaps, someone?”

Merlin headed over to table and poured Arthur a drink. That would get something out of him at least. He turned around and leant back on the table, folding his arms and putting on a quizzical look.
“Princess Elena couldn’t be anymore different from Lord Godwin” he began, stating his previous thoughts of her, vocally.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur barley noticed Merlin's presence. Alright so he noticed it, but didn't quite acknowledge it until he started waving his hand in front of his face. That was when Arthur snapped out of his thoughts, pulling him back into the reality of this horrible situation. He gave Merlin a bit of a glare as he had been waving his hand right in front of him. But his next statement, comparing Lord Godwyn and Elena was ironic . . . for it was exactly what Arthur had thought. Lord Godwyn was so composed, holding that elegance and grace of a king. Elena was . . .well, she was a bit clumsier and seemed to lack that elegance. Of curse, Arthur could never say this to her face. They had already arranged a ride through the woods tomorrow, which Arthur was not at all looking forward to.

Grateful for the drink, Arthur took it and drank from it, using it as a way to stall himself while he thought of what to say. Merlin would find out eventually about the arrangements his father and Godwyn had made. He wondered what Elena thought about all this. Surely, she could not be in favor of marrying someone she did not love. What if she was in somewhat the same position as him: in love with another but forced to marry him. If she was not in love, then Arthur did not wish to deprive her of the opportunity of learning what love was like . . . the experience of it. Maybe he could try to talk to her about it tomorrow . . . or maybe she was forced to accept it just like he had been. She probably had less say than he did as it were.

"True," Arthur agreed upon Merlin's statement about her being nothing like her father. Well, he may as well not beat around the bush . . . news was going to spread around soon enough and . . . Arthur did not want to think about this, but he knew his father was set and even more stubborn as his son. "Regardless, my father and Lord Godwyn find us to be a suitable match . . . for marriage." Arthur spoke with far too much casualness as he took another sip of the drink. What else could he do? Be all dramatic about it? Act as if he felt like he was going to die if he married another woman -- which he was feeling like right now. No. He was never good at expressing his emotions, so all he could do was conceal them and speak nonchalantly . . . and pray that it would turn into nothing more than a failed attempt to marry them off . . . yeah right.

[em]

"Regardless, my father and Lord Godwyn find us to be a suitable match . . . for marriage."

Merlin lost his balance, from where he was perched on the edge of the table, on hearing this and snorted, steadying himself so as he wouldn’t fall off again.

“What! Marriage!” he almost laughed. No way, there was no way that…well, there was and Merlin could put something like this past Uther but that was beside the point. “You can’t be serious?” he asked and quickly poured Arthur another drink and shoved it into the hands of his friend. He defiantly needed it at a time like this!

It appeared that Arthur had almost been thinking the same as he had, along the lines of differentiation between father and daughter. Elena seemed so clumsy and…well…acted slightly improper for a Princess. “How are you going to get yourself out of this one?” he asked. Merlin knew that somewhere along the lines he’d be dragged into it all and would end up resolving the situation himself. However this time it may seem like it wasn’t going to happen like that.

Merlin also knew what this meant for the ever-growing relationship between Arthur and Guinevère. It would tear them both to shreds and he knew it. If Arthur did marry Elena then there was no doubt that his friend would live in misery for the rest of his life, and Gwen? Well he knew that she’d be just as miserable having to see another woman with the man she loved, everyday.
Now he knew why Arthur had looked so shocked in the hall. It was because Uther had practically told himthat he was to marry Elena!

[Arthur Pendragon]

"What! Marriage!" Indeed! "You can’t be serious?" Arthur truly wished he wasn't. He wished this was all some sort of ridiculous joke and his father would come to him and tell him it was all some sort of cruel prank. Arthur knew this was wishful thinking, for the king wasn't exactly one to possess such a sense of humor. He would go for anything though! Even if his father just gave him more choice in the matter. Even if he just asked him, rather than told him. It would not be Uther living out a life of misery; it would be Arthur. Did his happiness not mean anything to his father? Didn't he wish to see him married to someone he loved? Granted, Arthur was well aware of how his father would greatly oppose to Arthur marrying Guinevère, but that did not stop him from loving her. He had no control over that . . . and he would not change the woman he loved for anything; not for convenience, nor approval. He wished things could be easier for them, but he was not about to give up. And yet, fighting for it was so much harder when his father informed him that basically, Elena was here so that they could get married.

The ceremony would not be too far away for as Arthur was getting older, he knew his father wanted him to have a solid marriage before he became king. This would not be a solid marriage! It would be a disastrous one! Arthur drank a bit more, knowing that it would not solve anything. That Merlin's question of how he was going to get out of this was a legitimate one. That Arthur needed to think of something quickly! "I don't know," he admitted, not wanting to sound defeated, but not having a grand plan out of this either. "My father seems very set on this match, saying it will build a good alliance between the kingdoms." Strengthening both Camelot and Gwant. But Arthur did not love her. A marriage required love! It could not only be based around politics. Yet, he also knew that more royal marriages were indeed centered around politics, and strategy. Couldn't he be the one exception? Was there a way to allow himself to be exempt from this tradition? Wouldn't Camelot be a stronger kingdom if they had a king who was not in constant depression?

[em]

This was the first time that Arthur didn’t actually have a clue as to what he was going to do. Allegiance between two kingdoms was all well and good, but through marriage? Whoever came up with that idea must have been desperate? Merlin would have hated to be in Arthur’s boots at this moment. Even he wouldn’t dream of entering into a union like that

Merlin took a seat and looked at his friend. “But you don’t love her?” he stated rather than asking. Merlin knew it. Arthur knew it – after serving the Prince for so long it wasn’t too hard to pick up on just what emotions that he was feeling. Arthur was his best friend. He never thought he’d actually admit it, but he was. Apart from Will, Arthur was the only true friend that he’d ever had.

He sat back and slumped down further into the chair. He made a disgusted face, “Ergh, just imagine all those spoons you’ll get as wedding presents”, the thought in itself horrified him.
Merlin then looked to Arthur, “sorry, im not exactly helping matters am I?” he smiled pitifully – not that Arthur needed pity, he needed help!

“Would you do it though?” he paused, “Marry Elena for the good of the kingdom?” he asked. Merlin was unsure as to what Arthur thought would be for the best. His own personal happiness or for the strength of Camelot.

“Allegiances can easily be broken – love can’t,” he stated, hoping that this might put Arthur’s mind at ease. It seemed far from it at the moment.

[Arthur Pendragon]

No. Arthur didn't love her. He wondered if he would be more inclined to agree to this union if he was not in love with someone else. One of the best things about being able to talk to Merlin about this, was the fact that he was one of the very few people who knew of Arthur's feelings for Guinevère. He had been the first to find out about them, and even though Arthur did not talk of them often, at least his friend would understand the major reason Arthur was not so ready to accept this fate. He just slowly shook his head in response to his question, knowing for certain that he did not love Elena and could confidently say that he would never love her as a husband should love a wife. She deserved better than a man who's heart and mind would be constantly occupied by another woman.

While Arthur did not admit it -- as he never did -- he was grateful for Merlin's comment which provided a bit of comic relief. Leave it to Merlin to be able to bring even the slightest smile to Arthur's lips at a time such as this. It was almost scary at times, how well Merlin knew him. If anyone would have told him four years ago that Merlin would become Arthur's closest friend . . . he would have laughed in their face. Now, it was the reality of the situation. It seemed he was developing closer ties with servants than ever before, and made the status line more hazy and undefined between the ranks. "Not really, but I'm glad you have not lost your ridiculous sense of humor," he said sarcastically, though deep down, he meant it. Where was the fun in complimenting Merlin though; it was far more amusing to taunt him endlessly.

What would he do. That was the ultimate question. It was almost as if he was forced to pick between Guinevère and the good of his kingdom; even though he believed the two could easily coincide. There was a reason they were not together; a reason that both of them had been so convinced in the beginning that there was not future for them. All Arthur could think of was Guinevère's words, when she told him that he would one day find his real princess . . . and that she could not be his queen. So what was he to do? Marry Camelot, strengthen the kingdom; bring to it unions, armies, and wealth? Weren't there more important things? What about the support and strength of a woman he loved? Wasn't a strong kingdom useless if it didn't have a strong king? "Allegiances can easily be broken – love can’t." Sometimes Merlin's wisdom shocked him. "I don't know," he reiterated, feeling like he didn't know much of anything anymore.

"I know it would do both Camelot and Gwant well if our kingdoms were to unite through this means." But . . . there was always a but. "But it would not create a strong king and queen." Meaning, there would be no love between them. There would be no affection. Every intimacy between them would be caused by the pressure of their fathers. How could they support each other when they did not even know each others strengths and weaknesses; when they did not know how to interact with each other? "And surely, Lady Elena deserves better," he added, wanting Merlin to know that Arthur was not only thinking of himself and Guinevère, but also the third person who would be effected by this marriage.

[em]

Merlin gave a small chuckle. At least Arthur had seen the funny side to his comment, whereas he had been serious. Who on earth wanted a spoon as a wedding present? How about a horse?
Anyway enough about fantasising what would be on the gift list, they needed to figure something out that would work for both Arthur and Elena.

“Does she even want to marry you? Because quite frankly I’d run a mile if I had to” Merlin smirked, “for a start you snore, and don’t even mention the amount of time you spend getting ready for a feast…” he ranted on.
This was true; Arthur could be such a girl at times. Merlin would always be standing there while he checked himself out in the mirror or used the back of a plate to admire himself.

It was then Arthur mentioned that the marriage wouldn’t even gain a strong king or queen. Merlin knew that Gwen would always be Arthur’s strength – but there was also the fact that she would always be his weakness along with that. Not in a bad way of course, but he knew just how far Arthur would go to ensure her safety and also her happiness too. After all, hadn’t he implied that he wanted to marry her when she was kidnapped by Hengist?

“Nothing has been put to paper yet – perhaps there’s still time to convince your father and Godwyn that this isn’t the best match for both you and Elena, and also the kingdoms.”
He got up and began to tidy away some of the clothes that Arthur had slung lazily over the chair that morning. “Allegiance or not, you’ll both end up with the worst end of the bargain”

[Arthur Pendragon]

This time, Arthur glared at Merlin as he listed off reasons he wouldn't marry him. Well, wait now . . . it wasn't because Arthur wanted Merlin to marry him, or want to marry him . . . it was because he was listing off his 'bad' qualities. Yes. That was it. Arthur felt the need to mentally differentiate even if he did not say the words. "I do not snore!" He objected; despite what both Merlin and Guinevère said, Arthur refused to believe it. He looked around for something to throw, the closest thing was a pillow and so Arthur chucked it directly at Merlin's head. "Looking like this," he began motioning to himself as he stood up to further emphasize his point. "Takes time and effort, for it leads to perfection." Yes. Arthur just called himself perfection. He then gave Merlin a slightly disgusted look. "You ought to learn a thing or two," he added, implying that Merlin wasn't as well put together as him.

Arthur was not about to get into that topic . . . though maybe perhaps he had just introduced it. When Merlin got up from his seat and began to tidy, Arthur sat back down on the edge of his bed, the conversation turning back to the more serious pressing topic at hand. It was only his entire future after all. "My father and Lord Godwyn have been planning this since we were infants," Arthur explained, knowing that it must have been something early arranged for if his father was so set on it, he would not want Elena accepting any other proposals. Or well, Godwyn accepting them since he doubted Elena had much say in this, which would bring him to his next point. "I don't think she has much say in it, and my father is very determined to make this happen." He did not want to sound too cynical, but part of the reason this was troubling him so much was because he was finding it difficult to get a way out of it. "I always knew this day would come," he added, but of course that was before, when he did not expect to fall in love with someone. His feelings for Guinevère changed a lot of things, his perception of marriage just being one of the many.

[em]

He managed to duck the pillow that was flung his way, “Err, yes you do!” he half laughed, “I'm here every evening until late finishing off your ridiculous list of chores and sometimes think some kind of beast has replaced you! I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to come and check just in case!”

Merlin laughed hard at the next statement about Arthur’s beauty regime. “Perfection? You?” he held onto the back of the chair to steady himself, “Im sorry Arthur but I would never associate you with that word!” With that, he took the pillow and lobbed it back in Arthur’s direction.

"You ought to learn a thing or two,"

Merlin looked down at his clothes and studied them, “Why? What’s wrong with me? I think I look pretty darn good most of the time." He tugged at his scarf smugly. "At least I don’t spend hours looking at myself in the mirror – im sure we’ll need to get you a bigger one though, that one seems to be shrinking” he looked at the mirror that was mounted on the wall just behind the dressing screen.

He carried on listening to Arthur as he opened the cupboard and put the clothes away, looking over at his friend every so often to check that he’d not yet suffered from a mental breakdown. “…wow” he replied, “sounds like some heavy stuff”.
Infants? Merlin knew that betrothals could be made from birth, and it sounded like Uther and Godwyn had done exactly that – or to that extent anyway. “I think she should – at least then if you’re both against the whole idea then it could be called off, and you’ll never have to see her again.” If only it were that easy.

Arthur had known all along that his father would want him to marry, or would thrust some poor unsuspecting girl at him. Merlin felt sorry for Elena, not only did she have no say in the matter but also she could have someone waiting for her back in Gwant. Someone who perhaps saw past her clumsiness. He voiced this thought to Arthur. “Do you think she has someone too?” he asked, “someone who you already love, but are forbidden to be with?"

[Arthur Pendragon]

He wanted to roll his eyes when Merlin said he snored. Arthur was still in denial. "Shut up Merlin!" He told him in that oh so familiar tone that he used to say these words numerous times before. He didn't snore! He slept very quietly and peacefully! What the hell did Merlin know anyway. And . . . well, maybe Guinevère was just teasing him by saying that. Yes. That's all it was. Arthur caught the pillow when he threw it back at him. "Everyone associates me with that word," he said arrogantly. "It's about time to prove that you have a semblance of intelligence by agreeing with them." After Merlin's next words of hearing him question what was wrong with him, furthermore, saying that he thought he looked good . . . well, now it was Arthur's turn to chuckle. "Why? What’s wrong with me?" "Whats right with you?" He countered as he inspected Merlin with disapproval, almost shaking his head. "Besides, no woman would want a man who wanders around the castle, sneaking womens dresses to fulfill some deep desires."

Yes. Arthur had a hard time forgetting about that time he had caught Merlin in the middle of the night, wandering around with a dress, and even holding it against him as if to check and make sure it fit his length. It had been one of the most disturbing scenes Arthur had ever witnessed. It could have been more disturbing though: he could have seen Merlin actually wearing it rather than just walking around with it. But the one thing had been bad enough. "That, is just one of the many things wrong with you." Ah yes. Now it was Arthur's favorite time: it was pick on Merlin time. "It would do you some good to look at yourself in the mirror every now and then. Just don't look in mine, for I prefer it not to be cracked by your reflection." Clearly, Arthur never ceased in mocking his friend. But it was good to have that balance of tense subjects as well as the lighter ones, which was something he often relied on Merlin for. "It is not that simple," Arthur told him, knowing that Merlin must already be aware of this.

"She has already come here with the understanding that she is meant to marry me." Arthur didn't doubt this. He figured Godwyn would have discussed such things prior to her arrival. Unlike his own father who had just managed to slip it in there seconds before she entered the hall. "It is a difficult subject to say no to, especially to my father," he told him, figuring Merlin would understand what Arthur meant . . . that the king was stubborn and despised being disobeyed. His next question had also been one that entered Arthur's mind, so he thought a bit before answering. "I don't know," he began to say, not having felt close enough to her to ask. Plus, it would only make things more awkward, if that was even possible. "Either way, I do not want to deprive her of the opportunity by marrying someone I know she does not love." Him. "It is not fair to her." It was not fair to him; it was not fair to Guinevère. For him to have convinced her all along they had a future . . . and now, showing that he was going to be spending the rest of his life with another woman. The thought along made him feeling nauseous.

[em]

Merlin walked over to Arthur with the pillow in hand. Time to attack Arthur when his guard was down. “It's about time to prove that you have a semblance of intelligence by agreeing with them."

“Now why would I ever consider doing that?”

BOOF!

Merlin swung the pillow hitting Arthur straight in the face. It was about time someone did that anyway? “Anyway, the pillow makes a vast improvement!” he smirked “Although I think you have a big enough head as it is already”

"Besides, no woman would want a man who wanders around the castle, sneaking women’s dresses to fulfil some deep desires."

He’d forgotten about that, “THAT WAS ONE TIME!” Merlin said in defence, “and I was running an errand for Gauis” no he wasn’t. He’d been sneaking it out for Freya so they could leave Camelot together and never look back. That had failed. Even know Merlin still felt upset thinking about her. For the first time in his life it seemed as though she was the first and only girl he would ever love.

“At least im not falling in love with a woman just twenty four hours after meeting her” he retorted referring to Vivian. Now she was a nutcase that he would never forget, “and then get caught”. Now that would send Arthur over the edge.

Now the conversation had turned back to Elena. Merlin could see just how much it was paining Arthur to talk about it. There was one question on his mind though. “But what about Gwen?” he asked. Yes, what about her? Merlin knew that she would act upon duty of rank and say something ridiculous to Arthur, such as "you should marry her for the kingdom", Merlin knew her all too well by now.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had not been expecting that. He just sat there, stunned for a moment when the pillow smacked him in the face. What had just happened?! It didn't hurt -- obviously -- it was just the surprise of the 'attack' that left him confused and shocked. Once he moved past it though, he searched around for something to throw at Merlin. He took off his shoe and threw it at him, knowing he would dodge the attack easy enough, but was getting into throwing heavier and harder things at the idiot! Instead of arguing about it, he decided to just get his retaliation through lunging miscellaneous items at him. And that was when Merlin clearly objected to the dress . . . thing. Arthur wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going on there, but he knew enough to know that it wasn't an errand for Gaius. Had it been, then Merlin wouldn't have had looked so guilty and awkward when Arthur caught him. There had been more going on, and Arthur was far too afraid to ask, knowing he'd probably be more disturbed to find out the truth.

"Yeah . . . right . . . whatever you say Merlin," Arthur said smirking, just shaking his head a bit. "Like I said then, what you do after hours is your own business. Just don't come into my chambers dressed like that," he warned him. That would be ridiculously embarrassing! For others to see a manservant dressed up as a woman. He shuddered at the thought and was quite certain he'd murder Merlin if he ever showed up like that. Arthur just glared at him when he brought up Vivian. "That was an enchantment!" He said, well aware of the fact that Merlin knew that . . . in fact, it had been him to found out how the break the spell, or probably Gaius rather. "That was completely different. I had no control over my actions." Clearly. Since he was not in the right frame of mind. He did not like to think back to that, for it only reminded him of what he had put Guinevère through; how she thought he had betrayed her when it was nothing of the sort. It was only one of the many things that he felt extremely guilty over.

"But what about Gwen?" That question was a loaded one, but one that had remained on the prince's mind ever since he found out about this . . . marriage arrangement. Arthur closed his eyes for a moment, trying to control the emotions that he felt whenever he heard her name, and now in the context of conversation. It made him feel guilty, horrible for convincing her that they had a future together, and now for being trapped marrying another woman. He opened his eyes once again, avoiding Merlin's gaze, trying to distance himself from the emotions that always arose when the subject of Guinevère came up. Hearing Merlin encourage him to marry her did not surprise Arthur for his friend had always been in favor of their relationship. "I mentioned it to her," he told Merlin, knowing that was not what he asked but unsure how to put his emotions to words. "But it's not that easy to just marry Guinevère. And I fear, this union with Elena will . . . hurt her." Hurt was an understatement, but Arthur was not sure what else to say. He knew this was extremely complex, and that only made it more difficult to talk about.

[em]

Before he knew it, there was a shoe flying towards him. Merlin ducked as it soared over his head and hit the door with a ‘thud’. He turned back to gave a wiggled his brows. He wasn’t going to throw a shoe at the prince. Instead he looked around, finding some dirty laundry and launching it in Arthur’s direction.

Merlin said nothing about the whole Vivian situation. It was best to just give Arthur the silent treatment and annoy him. “Mhmmm” he said eventually.

Then came Gwen. Merlin listened as Arthur said that the subject of his marriage to Elena had been mentioned. Well, at least he wasn’t keeping her in the dark about it. "But it's not that easy to just marry Guinevère. And I fear, this union with Elena will . . . hurt her."

Merlin looked up, his brows knitted together. He could see the pain in Arthur’s face – hear it in his voice. He leant across the table, even though the prince was still sat on the bed, Merlin wanted him to know that he had his trust. “You need to stop this marriage from going ahead.” He began. That would be the hard part, “you and Gwen…you share feelings for one another that you and Elena could never have – if you really love Gwen then we really need to stop this marriage before all three of you end up with a life of misery” he finished.
“One day…Gwen will be your Queen, you and I both know what you’re capable of once you become king. Make that one of your priorities, make her realise that with both your situations, you’re more than prepared to wait until the time is right, and until you have the power to make both of you happy, without hurting others”.

Strong words? Merlin didn’t think so, but Arthur needed all the advice he could get right now. Even thought Merlin knew bugger all about Marriage and happiness, he knew more about the feelings of others and how they could potentially be put right.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Though Arthur was not looking at Merlin when he spoke, he was intently listening to each and every word he said. It was moments like these that Arthur knew he could get away with calling Merlin an idiot . . . because nothing could be further from the truth. The man held an uncanny wisdom, and while Arthur pretended to be shocked that he could be so intelligent, he knew he was. Even though he acted as if Merlin knew nothing, he knew a great deal. He just rarely vocally gave him that credit. But right now, he was beyond appreciative that there was someone he could talk to about this. He wasn't sure why, but he did not feel the same level of comfort about talking about this to Morgana. Perhaps because she knew Guinevère . . . and she didn't know how deep his feelings were for her. With Merlin, he knew Guinevère and he knew him. He understood the situation and more importantly, he supported it. That much was clear through both his actions and words. When he found out, when he knew who to seek to break the enchantment that only a kiss of true love could break . . . and so on.

The fact that Merlin spoke with so much confidence about Guinevère being queen . . . it gave such encouragement. He knew Guinevère had her doubts; that they had not yet reached that level of certainty between them, even though Arthur could so easily envision her as his wife. He could not imagine being with another woman, which was why this was all so troubling. He could not exactly just blurt out to his father that he was in love with someone else; that he was in love with a woman that he would perceive as so beneath them. He knew his father; he knew the immense disapproval that would arouse and more importantly . . . he knew the danger it would put Guinevère's life in. He could not risk using that as the reason to tell his father why he could not marry Elena, for he could not lose Guinevère. Not physically. Nor emotionally. He knew that he would never recover from that loss. But again, it was not so simple. He could easily wait . . . but he could never ask her to. "I can not ask her to wait for that long," Arthur told him in a low voice, trying his best to conceal the pain of saying this. He knew he had said these words to Merlin before, when he had first found out about his feelings for Guinevère on their journey to rescue her from Hengist.

"She often spoke of how there would be another. How she could not be the woman I marry." After Vivian, and so many others times. There was still a strong discomfort in Arthur talking about such personal and intimate things . . . especially when it caused him pain. He never discussed his relationship with Guinevère to anyone. It was . . . some things were just far too important to openly discuss. "I don't know how to stop this. Not without telling my father the truth. Not without endangering Guinevère's life. Not without breaking an alliance between two kingdoms." He did not know what Godwyn's reaction would be. While he would always be a man that Arthur highly respected, he was not so ready to marry his daughter. And he feared that would cause great disrespect to the royal family and their reputation. "What would you do if you were in my position Merlin?" He asked, this time looking at him, desperately searching for an answer. Putting the simplicity aside; for they both knew he could not just easily break the marriage and go be with the woman he loved.

[em]

“I know” Merlin replied. To make Gwen wait was not fair on both accounts. “But you know Gwen – she’d wait forever if it meant finally being with you”.

Now that sounded incredibly cheesy and Merlin knew he was going to get a lot of stick for it, but it had to be said. “Would you wait for her if she was actually a princess marrying against her will when really she was in love with you?”. Now that whole situation just screamed the mess that gone on with Lancelot. Except he’d left knowing that Gwen would chose Arthur over him. Merlin wasn’t about to bring up that situation – he knew that Arthur had been hurt seeing them together when they rescued her from Hengist’s.

"She often spoke of how there would be another. How she could not be the woman I marry."

“You need to make her see that she will be then” Merlin told him, “or else you may risk losing her to another, I know for a fact that it would kill you” Defiantly not the best time to bring up Lancelot.

"I don't know how to stop this. Not without telling my father the truth. Not without endangering Guinevère's life. Not without breaking an alliance between two kingdoms."

“You could always tell him your married already?” Merlin’s face lit up. “To a man” he said without even thinking about how wrong that sounded, “That’s it! You could then leave Camelot with Gwen and no one would suspect a thing! Problem solved!”

It wouldn’t be that easy of course, but it was worth a shot. Anything was in this situation of life and death from unhappiness.

Merlin looked up at his friend from under his lashes. What would he do? he knew exactly what he would do.

“I’d chose my heart and my destiny over my duty” he told him, “and if it meant waiting for that time to come, I’d rather chose that than be unhappy with the wrong woman”.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur liked to believe that she would wait for him . . . even though he’d never ask it of her. The two constantly said that it could never be, and yet it was as if they were waiting for an opportunity to be together. For that one moment where fate was kind to them and found a way to make it possible. Never the less, he could still not ask her to wait. It was all just so undetermined. He wished he could make promises to her, that one day the waiting would be over. But he could not, for he did not know how it could be between them, and right now . . . well, it just showed how totally against it his father would be. He was so set on the politics of the subject, rather than the feelings behind it. With the king, it was all the mind over the heart, but Arthur could not think along such terms; especially when his heart belonged to another, not Elena. Any other day, Arthur would have mocked Merlin for his words, but not right now, for he was taking them into deep consideration. ”I don’t want her to have to,” he admitted in a low voice. He wanted her to wait for him, but how could he asked her to put her entire life on hold for a dream?

And yet, Merlin was right. Neither of them would be happy if they married another. He thought about the role reversal Merlin presented: what if she was a princess marrying against her will. Inevitably, his mind went to Lancelot. When he had found out the two shared feelings for one another . . . Arthur had taken a step back, knowing, that she could be happy with him if she loved him. He was not going to lie, it hurt: to see the woman he loved in the arms of another man. But he knew that if she had feelings for him, that he could offer her a simpler life . . . a less dangerous one. ”I would want her to be happy,” Arthur answered, not only speaking in terms of the hypothetical situation Merlin presented him with . . . but overall . . . using the past as an example of when he was forced to see her with another man. He knew they were well past that. That she had told him things that made it sound incomparable. It only made this entire situation all the more difficult.

”But I would,” Arthur said, directly answering Merlin’s question . . . knowing that Merlin had already been aware of his answer before he confirmed it. ”I would wait for her, because I could not imagine my future with anyone else.” Until he was forced to now. But he’d rather wait for the rest of his life, than commit himself to a woman he did not love. Growing restless, Arthur rose to his feet, walking over to the window that he often looked out when in a contemplative state. ”But it seems that now I must,” he said, looking pensively out the window with his hands clasped behind his back. He was trying to mask the pain in picturing another woman by his side. Picturing himself walking down the aisle with her, speaking vows to her, laying in bed with her every single night, having his first child with her . . . . Elena was not the woman he could see himself sharing such an intimate and perfect future with. She may have the making of a great queen, but not his queen. Hearing Merlin speak of the possibility of losing her to another woman . . . made his heart fill with literal ache. It caused him as much pain to imagine himself with another woman, as it did to imagine Guinevère with another man. He had gotten a glimpse of it, with Lancelot . . . and that had been enough to shatter him.

He had not intervened though, for previously acknowledged reasons, but that did not mean he enjoyed seeing her in the way she had smiled at him, held his hand, cried for him. He was not only imaging Lancelot now, but the fact that it could be any other man. And yet . . . she told him she loved him, despite their seemingly hopeless future. Once again, he did his best to conceal the pain, inwardly cringing at the devastating implications that Merlin’s words held. ”I have no promises of the future with her, or how long it will take me to be king.” He did not wish the death of his father, but right now . . . that seemed to be the only way for a chance of them to be together. And who knows how long that would take anyhow. ”I cannot ask her to wait for me,” he repeated. ”But,” he paused for a moment, feeling overwhelmingly conflicted. He paused to swallow the pain over the thought of not having her in his life the way he wanted her to be in it. ”I cannot lose her.” Not physically of course, but in this case, he meant it more emotionally. Losing her to another man . . . losing her by marrying another woman.

The intensity of the moment was broken when Merlin suddenly suggested that he say he was already married . . . to a man. Arthur slowly turned his head so that he was looking at Merlin, his expression a mixture of disgust over the idea, and how idiotic he thought it was. At the same time, he was relieved for the comical relief . . . but that was not something he would admit to him. ”Good god Merlin. And to think, you had been doing so well.” In terms of the advice he had been giving him. ”Let’s say for one ridiculous moment, I would actually be stupid enough to consider that . . . do you really think my father would just let me leave Camelot? Just like that . . . just because I told him I loved another?” Another man! He wished it was that simple, but he had an obligation to the people . . . one that he could not just simply escape from. Arthur however briefly wondered what his father would be more appalled by: his love for a man, or his love for a servant.

Arthur turned his head back towards looking out the window as Merlin quickly redeemed himself by offering further wise words. Ones that Arthur took to heart. They were intelligent words, and Arthur valued them even more because they were coming from a friend who was becoming a brother; one who’s– despite what he suggested – opinion and advice he valued and cherished. Such as now. It was difficult for him to talk about Guinevère with anyone, yet it came so strangely natural to talk about such things with Merlin. He supposed that was a good sign . . . and he knew there was no other he’d rather be having such a conversation with. He remained silent for several moments following Merlin’s words revealing what he would do if he was in the given situation. ”What if your duty is your destiny?” He asked, somewhat rhetorically. He would await Merlin’s answer, but he knew the question was not easy to answer. Especially for Merlin who’s destiny was not one which involved the survival of an entire kingdom and its people’s. What if this was his destiny: what if he was meant to marry Elena? What if he could not escape this? What if by next week . . . he would be the husband of a woman he had no feelings for whatsoever? The thought was so unsettling that it sent a shiver down his spine.

[em]

Merlin knew that Arthur knew that he couldn’t make Gwen wait for him. but what he did believe was that if she really loved him, then she would. Surely Arthur wasn’t actually going to go through with this?!
The thought of making Arthur ‘mysteriously’ disappear from the whole situation had crossed his mind, but then that would mean having to reveal himself – something which he wouldn’t ever be prepared to do.

“There’s always hope” he reminded the prince, “It may not seem like it now, but who knows?”

”I have no promises of the future with her, or how long it will take me to be king.”

“Don’t be a prat – you and I both know that you can see a future together just laid out before you.” Merlin scoffed, Arthur had once implied that he wanted to marry Guinevère and now it seemed as though he was set on it, had he not have to marry Elena.

Now he was saying he couldn’t lose her. This was a good sign. Arthur never gave up on anything once he’d set his mind to it. “Then keep her – hold onto her for as long as possible – there must be some way around this, there just has to be!” Merlin ran his hands through his hair and groaned. Awkward situation or what?
Perhaps he could interrupt the wedding? Why couldn’t they just go with his plan of saying that he was already secretly married? Man or not.

”Let’s say for one ridiculous moment, I would actually be stupid enough to consider that . . . do you really think my father would just let me leave Camelot? Just like that . . . just because I told him I loved another?”

“Yeah, but…ok no but I could accidentally knock him out with something hard – then when he comes to, he’ll be so concussed that he wont even know he has a son, let alone one who has run away…with a man” he added to the end and smirked.

Arthur’s nect question surprised Merlin. Destiny. Yes – he knew waaaaaaay too much about that and what it entitled. The fact that destiny was always on his doorstep was hard enough without having to talk to Arthur about it (especially as Arthur knew nothing of what Merlin was doing).
Merlin looked over to Arthur and shrugged as if it wasn’t exactly a big deal.

“Your destiny is never set in stone, it is what you and you alone make it to be”

[Arthur Pendragon]

"There's always hope." Ironically, that was what Arthur had been holding onto for the past two years. That hope. Of being with her; of finding a way to be with her. And he had constantly tried to make her carry that hope as well. After what happened with Vivian though, she had grown slightly more distant . . . even though they always found a way back to each other. And now, this was what Guinevère had always spoken of. It was as if she knew, it would be not easy matter for him to get out of a marriage for everyone knew that a future king could not marry for love . . . but for political reasons. Why could he not break that tradition? Surely somehow had to . . . eventually. Arthur was too distracted by these thoughts and meaning behind Merlin's words to even care that he had just called him a prat. He let it go for now, more focused on the words that followed. Yes. It was true. He had always wanted to envision a future with her. See her as his wife and future queen, for he knew she would be a wonderful one. Yet, they had both known it was not the reality they lived in If it was . . . they would not have waited this long to be married."Only in a dream," Arthur admitted in a low voice. Now faced with the reality of everything, with this forceful marriage . . . it felt that that was all his future with Guinevère could be. A dream, never to become real.

Merlin continued to encourage him to hold on to her . . . to find a way. But Arthur had tried to for so many months. The first few months had been filled with denial, knowing it could not be so. The following ones had been filled with a way of trying to be together. Neither had been successful; not denying his feelings nor finding an easy passage for them. How long could he hold on to her heart for, before she wanted it back? "If it was so easily laid before me, then I would not be in this dilemma." That would seem to resolve itself in a solution that would only result in heartache. "I can not keep asking her to place her life on hold for me. She could be happier." Instead of waiting around for things to be more convenient for him . . . and risking her own safety every time she found her way to him. It wasn't fair to her; it wasn't fair that she was taking so many risks, as they both knew there would be severe repercussions if she was caught . . . if they were caught. "If there was a way, then I would have found it two years ago." Before he had told her that his father would never understand what happened between them. He had not found a way though . . . nor had he given up.

When Merlin offered to knock out his father, Arthur just looked at him skeptically, slightly raising an eyebrow. "You do realize that that is the King you are speaking about," Arthur asked rhetorically. If his father heard him saying such things . . . he may very well consider it treason. But of course, Arthur knew it was not, nor would he ever tell his father such a thing. He knew Merlin was just joking around . . . or so he hoped so. "And that your preposterous offer could lead you in a place far worse than the stocks." Still, he knew Merlin was trying to lighten the mood and even if it was made at the expense of his father's life . . . something that Arthur had sworn and will continue to swear, to protect. "And there is no way in hell I am saying that I'm running away with a man. I do have some dignity," he said, giving Merlin a glare, though it was not a sincere one . . . more one done in moments where Merlin was, well, being Merlin. Moments that Arthur appreciated. Moments that others wondered about their friendship and how they would drive each other insane one moment, and the next be willing to sacrifice themselves for each other. A dysfunctional relationship indeed, but one that Arthur would never trade for anything.

The conversation went back to a serious note when Merlin said something that caused Arthur to deeply contemplate. "Your destiny is never set in stone, it is what you and you alone make it to be." Destiny. Something that Merlin seemed to know a strange great deal about. Arthur was grateful though, for he knew that there was no other that he could discuss such things with. "Ones destiny has a great deal more control over a person, than simply being something that can be altered." Arthur knew his words would not make sense to one who did not feel the burden of a great destiny . . . a great future ahead of them. Arthur was destined to be king. That was his future. He could not change that. If he left, he would be leaving his people and leaving a kingdom vulnerable. He could not change that. It was in his blood. But . . . did he have control over he married? Or was that all part of his grand destiny? Was it just one of the many things that everyone expected for him? "I don't have the liberty to drastically alter my destiny." If he did . . . he would find it so easy to have married Guinevère, and then this whole thing would not be an issue. But his father was practically commanding him to marry someone . . . what choice was he even left with?

[em]

"Only in a dream,"

Merlin knew very little of love – he knew that it hurt when you were torn from someone for the most unreasonable circumstances, but he didn’t know what it was like to be apart from one who he held such adoration for. He still didn’t know whether it had been love between him and Freya. Yes, there had been something there. He found he’d been happy – walking around humming whilst eating soup and driving Gauis insane, and then there had been the painful goodbye at the lake. Just thinking of her now made a lump in the throat form – but he managed to keep himself composed.
“it doesn’t have to be a dream” Merlin leant forward with hope, “it can be real, whether you think that everything is lost or not”. He was sure that Gwen would marry Arthur. Maybe not now – but one day.

"I can not keep asking her to place her life on hold for me. She could be happier." Merlin snorted at this. “Oh as if she could do any better than you!” it was highly impossible that Gwen would find someone else after the type of relationship and bond that she and Arthur shared. “You don’t have to ask her – let her decide!” Merlin urged, “at least then you both know where you stand”. Hopefully not next to Elena in a wedding dress!

On the subject of offering to knock out the king. Merlin could only keep a straight face and nod at this friend. “Yes?” he replied as though hitting Uther around the head was no big deal. And that your preposterous offer could lead you in a place far worse than the stocks." Merlin shrugged at this – “well if it helps…”

"And there is no way in hell I am saying that I'm running away with a man. I do have some dignity,"

“Oh well” Merlin stood up “I tried!” Time to play the card that showed he wasn’t interested anymore, “but of course I come up with all these brilliant suggestions and what do I get? It all thrown back in my face” he sighed mockingly, “oh well at least I can say I tried to help you get out of marrying Elena so as you could run away with the love of your life – and perhaps even marry her, but of course now I’ll have to go and ask Gwen to make some table decorations…red or white roses?” he asked innocently.

"I don't have the liberty to drastically alter my destiny."

Merlin half laughed, “Yes you do!” He really did and didn’t even realise it because he was so blonde! “Arthur…” Merlin sat back down, “you are in control of your whole life – Prince or not – you can go anywhere you like, make decisions for your own moral grounds and what you think is not only best for you, but for everyone else too – you can choose what you do with it.” He said sincerely, “Now do you take a stand and tell your father that you can’t marry Elena? Or do you walk into a new life with a woman you’ll look at everyday and think ‘ive made a mistake’”.

Merlin bit his lip. “Sometimes the decisions we make may seem wrong in the eyes of others – but in our own? We know what is right for us, who is right for us – and that is what makes our destiny.” Merlin shrugged, “it’s who you become”.