Far Longer Then Forever

[Alistair]

That very much so answered everything in his mind. Damn it! He's not heard of the child giving the mother gifts but he knew so very little about everything! Had he spent years with his people rather the months then he might know more however he would not have such a need for the knowledge. He exhaled deeply trying to think; while his large hand went to bury it's self in his now longer hair. At habit was forming that when he was thinking about something; worrying--that he tugged on it more.

With his visions, he would have them weeks to months before the event. It would depend on what other dreams he had; and how large in the scale of life the event would be. He'd known that the ward of the Pendragon king would turn on him before she'd crowned herself queen. He'd seen it and the people that would die. He never told anyone of that dream; not wanting Gwent involved in a magical battle and not wanting her to know he kept things of this from her. Had she moved to help stop it; then everyone would wonder who she knew to do so. She would either hold the guilt for inaction or the pressure in the aftermath for explaining things. He spared her that.

But the dreams always stared distant; as if he was watching it from afar. The closer an event grew the closer he was to it; and the clearer the details grew. When he was the victim; still watching it but feeling what they felt. The fear the pain. He knew it the time was upon them and it was happening. Some he could stop; some he could not. If he saw the actual death; then it could not be stopped. But if the dream left the end opened; or faded away then he knew there was a chance that this person could be saved. He dreams could not be changed; but he could try like hell to stop them.

Now she was dreaming of a man dying. She was seeing what he lived ever single night of his life like. He wished to spare her this; and knew he would have to find a way to do so. Alistair closed his eyes and tilted his head up to look at the sky. He looked at the stars above him; and picked one. Asking his forefathers for guidance he then looked back at her. "We should try to find this man. Find the place in the market you see and see if it's something we are able to stop." It would be answer enough for her.

[isadora]

His words were enough answer for her, and she took a deep breath to cover her anxiety. So that was an actual man she'd seen die. A real smith, a citizen of Caerleon who would die painfully if they didn't find a way to stop it. But they'd have to find him first...if they could, she thought they could stop it. If they couldn't...what could she do? Ban horse merchants from the city? That hardly seemed viable, but, as she was reminded of the screams of her nightmare, the acrid stench of burning flesh in her nose, she knew she had to do whatever she could to stop it. She nodded in agreement, they would have to try.

She'd never once envied his ability to see the future, although she knew there were those who would covet such power. Isadora didn't like the thought that he had to be woken every night by horrible visions, although she knew that most nights he tried not to wake her, she liked it even less that her child would be. She could...tolerate it for the duration of her pregnancy, but she was really opposed to the idea of letting her child live with such a...disability.

"One of those....things, you told me about. That block the visions." She said hopefully, they would do their best to save the man she'd already seen, but she was more worried about their baby than about all the people they could save if they listened to the visions. "Can we get one for the baby? No child should have to see these things." She asked, she had hesitated before when they were only musing over the possibilities, when their child might have visions, because now it was a certainty. Their child would have his visions, and she didn't want that for her baby. Even if it meant they'd have to turn to someone with even greater magical ability than he, she knew that they would need something to protect their child from their own gifts.

[/size]

[Alistair]

Alistair hated hearing her like this. He wasn't sure what he really heard in her tone but he knew she was afraid and that she did not like magic. That with the child she would have no choice. Magic was going to be in the child's blood; and for now in her blood. "Isadora," He never said her name; finding calling her Princess more amusing but now he was trying to give her comfort and he didn't know how best to do it. "It's not that simple."

He wished on every star that it was. "It's not a complete turn off. Some dreams will still come to him or her." The powerful ones. The ones that could not be changed no matter what you did. He's never wore one of these enchanted objects but he knew that some things could never be stopped. "It will stop some; but there will still be nightmares."

And, magic was banned. "If we are caught with such an item, it would cause everything to fall. You wish to learn to my language but if you are caught speaking it in the wrong place it's your life that is forfeit." He wanted to give her everything she asked; and wanted to hear her speak to him in the words he knew best but he could not risk her life. He would teach her, and give her this enchanted gift but he wanted her to know how they had to hide this. "Our guards must be up at all times."

[isadora]

She knew as soon as she heard her name that he was about to tell her something she wouldn't like. He never called her by her name, her hope draining away with the word. She hated that she now associated her name with bad things, just because he would only use it when he had to tell her something and he needed her to know it was serious. Of course it wasn't that simple. When were their lives ever simple? Not for the first time, she wished he really were the noble he was pretending to be. Things would never be easy for them, and now, she worried how much more difficult things would be for their child.

Born of both worlds; the responsibility of ruling a kingdom on one hand, and ties to a world that they may have to hide. She'd always known that being with Alistair would carry risks, but she hadn't really considered what life would be like for her child. Why did they think this was a good idea? Why did they ever think this could work out? She listened to what he was saying, but the more he said, the more upset it made her. She looked away from him, then turned around, folding her arms over her belly protectively, still listening to his doubts and concerns, but her frown was quickly turning into a scowl.

She knew that everything he was saying was true, and yet, she didn't want to hear any of it. She had been so glad when he'd been happy they were having a baby, but now, none of that seemed to matter. They were already so careful all the time; she'd thought once they were married, they could let some of that go, but it seemed like it had been just a futile dream. Would there ever be a time when they didn't have to lie? It all just made her so angry. She knew it was irrational, that she shouldn't be angry with him, but she was. "I hate that you only ever use my name when you're telling me things I won't like." She growled, turning back to face him, she shoved against his heavily armored chest. She knew that was hardly the most important thing right now, but it was really the only thing she could get mad at him for, and if she wasn't mad, she was pretty sure she'd start crying again.

[/size]

[Alistair]

"I hate that you only ever use my name when you're telling me things I won't like." She attacked him in her own way; beating against him but he knew she'd do more harm to her self then to him with all his heavy metal on. Careful not to cause her harm he grabbed her wrist and forced them behind her; while pulling her forward against him. It could not be comfortable with his armor on but he wanted her still. Alistair kissed her deeply for a moment to make sure she stop talking; and distract her from her self for a moment.

He might not always know the right thing to say but with her he worried less about looking the fool for saying the wrong thing. He lifted his head just slightly; and rested his forehead gently against her's. "Isadora," He used her name in the same tone he often used her title in. "I will make this right." He could send for Maeve; and ask something of her that he had not asked before. "I swear to you. Do not let this be something dark in your life. Thing not of the dangers; but only of the joy this will bring you." He would make sure they were safe.

[isadora]

Isadora struggled against his grip on her wrists, but as always, he was stronger than she was, and she was pulled up against him. She didn't turn away when he leaned down to kiss her, but she didn't stop scowling at him, either. She was still mad and he wasn't going to distract her just by kissing her, no matter how much easier that might be. Isadora was stubborn, and she usually seemed to avoid the path of least resistance, regardless of how much more difficult it made her life. Something he should remember to be grateful for.

"What if you can't?" Her voice wavered, looking up at him, wondering. Yes, he said he could make it all better, but what if he couldn't? Isadora wasn't the sort of woman who could just accept a promise and not plan for the worst; and while it pained her to admit it, there was no guarantee he could do as he promised. She wanted to just be happy, but now she had all these doubts. Maybe she shouldn't even have told him...maybe she should've just waited until she was so big he had to notice, or else just hand him the baby sometime and say 'Oh, by the way, you've a child now.' Amusing though that would be...she knew she wouldn't have been able to keep it from him for so long, especially now that she knew the expression it would bring to his face. She wouldn't trade that happiness for anything. "Let go, please?" She wasn't going to run off, or attack him again, and having him hold her like this really was uncomfortable.

[/size]

[Alistair]

He let her wrist go but kept his hands on her hips to keep her close. He did not want her to put distance between them. He knew she was frightened and he wished he's kept his damn mouth shut. They always fought and Alistair was try not to fight with her any longer. "I will." He knew that would not be enough but he did not have a full plan yet. His mind was still taking in the knowledge that he would be a father. That there would be a child to forever link their blood lines.

"Do you recall the girl Maeve I have spoken of before?" The one who healed him. He still carried a scar on his chest from the damaged that should have taken his life. "I will send a message to her. She will know more of how to keep such a enchanted object hidden." Something that could be hidden in plain sight; or even enchanting something with the Gwent seal upon it. If someone could feel the magic on it; then they'd be exposed but their child could only wear it at night. Or when sleeping.

[isadora]

His words did little to reassure her, and once he had released her wrists, she took a step back from him; not far enough to dislodge his hands from her hips, but enough to give her room to breathe. She knew he didn't want to let her go just yet, but she was still trying to get used to the idea of letting her child suffer through sleepless nights and dreadful visions, and what would she be able to do? Offer comfort after the fact? Little good that was. She was supposed to protect her children. With her hands free, she wrapped her arms around her belly, unintentionally putting another barrier between them.

"The faery queen? Yes, I met her," she answered, wondering where he was going with that. Would she be able to help them? She looked up to meet his gaze when he told her she might know better than he, at least that was something. And she trusted the faery, even if she was...well, a faery. Which was odd, but Maeve was very kind, and she hadn't betrayed them, so Isadora nodded when he promised he'd talk to her. She had no idea how one got into contact with a faery queen, but at least it was better than just telling her he'd find a way.

[/size]

[Alistair]

Alistair did not see her hands as a barrier between him and his child. He only saw her trying to protect from something she was only just starting to understand. He'd lived though what she feared; and been the child with no one there to protect him from the visions he saw. "Have some faith, Monisha." He asked of her, trying to ease her fears and worry. He would not let harm come to his child from anyone nor any magic.

He was also surprised she knew what Maeve was. He tried to recall if he had told her or not but could not recall the details of that conversation from so long ago. "She is a sister to me, and very old. She will know more then I; or know where to learn." They had time to work out the details; for now they could not do anything to cause attention to them. Camelot was more dangerous then she knew.

[isadora]

"I'm trying," she answered, she was trying to see everything as being okay, but she was scared, and worried. But she knew that Alistair would do everything in his power to protect their child, and it wasn't fair to think he wouldn't. She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, standing up on her toes to kiss him on the lips softly. It wasn't going be easy to get used to any of this, but nothing in their lives ever was. They would manage.

Maeve had told her herself what and who she was, so she wasn't startled that Alistair would go to her for help. But she was surprised to know that he regarded her as family. She knew that the woman had saved his life...and that they had spent a year together while he was gone from the world. She supposed it made sense they would be close. She nodded in agreement. "She is a dear friend to me, as well. I'm sure she'll be willing to help." She responded. Then something occurred to her, something far more pleasant than their current discussion. "Perhaps we should ask Maeve if she would be the Godmother to our child."

[/size]

[Alistair]

Maeve was like his sister. When he was dying she had saved him; and she had taught him her language some and then later when he was trying to learn to be a knight she had helped him learn the rules. "I would like that." He admitted liking that she had thought about it and seemed to not wish to distance her self from Maeve since she has magic.

Still he did not want her worried about anything. "I will send a message to her as soon as we are over the border lands." He promised and reached up to touch her cheek gently. "Isadora," He used her name since she had been displeased a few moments ago; "Everything will be fine. This is not the first child to be born with such a gift; and this child will have something that many do not." Something he did not have; "A mother whom will help them and comfort them."

[isadora]

Isadora smiled when he agreed with the idea of Maeve being the Godmother of their child, and therefore, the guardian if something should happen to the both of them. It was not a peaceful world they lived in, and they both had enemies, those who would do them harm if they could, and it was important to have someone they trusted who would look after their baby. Maeve would have both the resources, and Isadora hoped, the will to do as much for them if it was necessary. She might not like magic, but Maeve was a good person, and Isadora believed she would take good care of her child, if it came to that.

Isadora closed her eyes when he reached up to touch her cheek, and nodded when he promised to send a message as soon as he was able. She was glad to hear that. She opened her eyes again when he said her name, wondering what other terrible things he needed to tell her. But instead, he reassured her, trying to make her feel better about what he'd just told her. She blinked when he said their child would have something others didn't; what, the resources of an entire kingdom at their disposal? A castle full of servants at their beck and call? But he didn't go for the obvious advantages of being a royal child, and she smiled. She reached up to run a hand back through his long hair adoringly. "Not to mention a father who's good at calming his mother down when she gets too worried."

[/size]

[Alistair]

"There is no need to worry. I will not let harm to too either of you." Alistair was surprised he had managed to calm her down; even if that was his goal. It was rare he could cox her into a mood he wanted her in (other then the one from their nights together). It appeared he was gaining skills. With the slight boost in his confidence; Alistair decided to press his luck. Not by giving another warning but by trying something new.

Or if not new; then taboo in their relationship. "You do not like magic." It wasn't a question. He knew how she felt; and knew how she was raised. She did not trust it and was afraid of it. He had thought about giving her this charmed or enchanted thing Maeve would bring and telling her to wear it always but part of him wanted her to understand that magic was not evil. "Yet even now it fills your blood. The blood of our child. He will be able to change things." In ways she might not have the courage to do. Magic would forever be apart of the Gwent royal bloodline.

Magic was something that they did not speak of often. His opinions were too strong and her's was hesitant (on good days). He knew she did not think it completely evil but she did not like it either. "I can not show them the way; but they will follow you." He would be no one's king; and she was the princess everyone loved. If their child had even a bit of her in it; then they could change the course of history. Save so many lives.

"Just as tonight; your friend gains the power to do something."

[isadora]

She froze in place when he mentioned magic again; or rather, her distaste for it. She frowned, this wasn't a road she wanted to walk down again tonight, but he didn't seem willing to let it lie. As he continued, she pulled away from him, turning to walk a few steps away. Not far enough that he would need to raise his voice to be heard, but just enough to put some much-needed distance between them, to give her a chance to think. She'd once said that she couldn't think straight with him around, that he distracted her, and it frustrated her that it was still true.

Magic frightened her. It was powerful and in the wrong hands, could do much harm. She supposed that in the right hands, it could do just as much good, but so far she had not seen anyone of such an inclination step forward. She wasn't frightened of Alistair, although his visions scared her. And she feared for their child. She didn't fear her child, of course, but she wondered...what if that was misunderstood? Alistair knew how she felt, but would her child be able to understand that it wasn't them she feared, but the gifts they possessed? The visions that would forever be a part of them? What would life be like for a child who believed their own mother feared...or even hated them? She couldn't stand the thought.

"These are all things I know, and that are not wise to speak of in this place." She turned towards him, her tone irritable as she glanced around. They were alone, or so it seemed, but what if someone happened upon them and heard them speaking of magic? None of their conversation topics tonight had been very safe, but at least the others might only bring social shame. To be caught speaking about magic like this...they would both be executed. Him twice. But she didn't like snapping at him like this. She sighed, and amended her words. "Perhaps...I need to learn more. See more. But this is not the time and place."

[/size]

[Alistair]

It never was the right time with them. He watched her walk around and away from him. He should have expected it. He never brought up magic between and this was the damn reason. She walked away; and withdrew. Back in the village when he'd had the bruises on her wrist healed; she'd back away. He's shown her the goodness that magic could be used for; and she'd still not wanted anything to do with it.

He didn't expect her wake up one morning and embarrass the idea; but it was his bloodline. His family in many ways. Their child's blood and history. People were dying and he was at a damn ball. He remained silent for a short while before speaking again; "How long can you hide the child?" He asked; to both change the taboo subject between them; and to began planning how best to protect her reputation. His voice was tight however; even as he attempted to hide his annoyance over their not speaking on his life line in a way.

As for her reputation; he never really understood what that was as clear as she saw it. It was like a child in it's own way. She was always worried about getting ruined; and you had to protect it constantly. It was something massively annoying; but important to her. It was why he did he best to care for the invisible child.

[isadora]

He was mad. Or at least annoyed. And so was she, and the really irritating thing about it was that this wasn't anything new for the two of them. She felt pity for their child; wouldn't it be nice to grow up in a household where your parents were happy in one moment and glaring at one another the next? He dropped the subject, as she had wanted, and she breathed a sigh of relief, though she could hear his displeasure in his tone. At least he wasn't going to make a thing of it right now. When they were safe back in Caerleon...then he could glare at her to his heart's content. For now, she wanted them both to survive this celebration.

"No more than a month or so, I think." She wasn't exactly sure when she'd gotten pregnant. She'd realized she was a few weeks ago, but she knew that it must have happened weeks before that still. She'd already gained weight, although so far only Anna had noticed, and only because she was the one who tightened her gowns in the morning, and she wouldn't say anything to anyone about that. It meant their wedding would have to be soon, and even then...inquiring minds would likely know she'd been pregnant before the day.

That annoyed her, but so little as to be trivial. Whatever people might say, it might actually strengthen her reign to have an heir so quickly; especially if she had a son. It would secure the throne to her bloodline, and show the people that they would have a stable line of succession. Something they hadn't had for many years. "I'll speak to my father as soon as we return to Caerleon." She told him, somewhat hesitantly. He knew the reason they weren't already wed was because she dreaded that conversation; although whether it was because she feared his response, or that he wouldn't have any response at all because he had no idea who she was or what she was talking about, even she wasn't sure. But she had to now, so she would. That settled, she decided to move on quickly. "You'll have to propose in public, you realize."

[/size]

[Alistair]

"I'll speak to my father as soon as we return to Caerleon." That conversation would at least be easy now; since the old man didn't half know who she was he might-might-not even know what she was telling him. He'd not had a father figure in his life so the deep parental approval need wasn't there for him. Had he not been so annoyed with the princess at the moment he would have given a sign that he knew that she found it hard and offered his support.

Instead he just stood there. This was her world; and everything had to be her way. In most cases he would admit she knew more but he was feeling ungracious at the moment and didn't want to say anything that might start a fight. "You'll have to propose in public, you realize." Like that. Alistair stared at her; his impassive face getting easier to read as the surprise of that almost past over him. "Explain."

[isadora]

She'd known this wasn't going to be easy...maybe that was why she'd brought it up now. Sure, it might've been easier to get him to agree if she had waited until he was in a better mood, but then again, it might just lead to another fight later. Maybe it was better just to get it all out in the open now? She was tired of withholding things. "Everything I do is in the public eye." He knew that. What little she did manage to keep private, he knew about too. But a royal wedding wasn't exactly something you could keep secret. And even if they could...she didn't want to. She wanted her ceremonies and her traditions and her ways. "I want you to be a part of my world."

She wondered if he'd understand or if he'd just see it as another useless traditions of the nobles designed to drive him crazy. Who the hell was she kidding? Of course he'd see it as the latter. He hated all the traditions and ceremonies and pomp of the nobles, he'd much rather just tie a string around her hand and call her his. Which he had already done. But it would never feel right to her until they had gone through with all the ceremonies and traditions and made it official by her laws. "You already see me as your wife. But I don't think of you as my husband." He was her lover, her druid, her dirty little secret. He was even the father of her child, but he wasn't her husband. "I want you to be, but we've already done so much wrong...if we don't do it right, then it will always feel that way to me."

[/size]

[Alistair]

"Everything I do is in the public eye. I want you to be a part of my world." He knew that; it was the whole damn reason he was here. Why he was dressing the knight and doing everything he hated. To be with her. He'd given everything up for her. It had not been an easy change either. Alistair wasn't bitter over the change; he knew that it had been his choice but making the choice had been hard: living it was harder. Everyday he lived the life that was everything he wasn't.

He wasn't a 'brother' like the knights were; he wasn't a noble, he was the son of a farmer. He hated crowds, and did not like talking with people over dinner. He hated taking orders as much as he hated giving them. Alistair wished like hell some days he could just be. To escape--with her--for a few damn hours and just not pretend or watch their backs.

"You already see me as your wife. But I don't think of you as my husband." He wasn't sure why that bothered him; but it did. "I want you to be, but we've already done so much wrong...if we don't do it right, then it will always feel that way to me." Every moment of everyday he was conforming. Doing things that made him uncomfortable; and everyday there was more. He didn't even know how to do as she asked; nor had anyone he could ask. He did not even know what to say to her about her 'request'.

[isadora]

He wasn't saying anything. She knew that shouldn't surprise her; he hardly ever spoke. She just wished she knew whether he was being silent because he planned on grudgingly acquiescing to her wishes, or if he was going to staunchly refuse altogether. He didn't look happy, though, that was certain. She wondered if she was asking too much of him. He had given up so much, and there was always something else. She rarely gave it any thought, because everything he had to get used to were things that were so familiar to her that she didn't imagine there could be another way.

"...Are you happy?" She had never thought to ask him before. He loved her, and he was willing to do all this for her, but she didn't want him to make himself miserable. She knew that he was happy when he was with her, and the news of their child had made him happier than she'd ever seen him. But she still had to ask, she had to know that he wasn't going to hate her for everything he'd had to give up just to be with her. If she was anyone else...he wouldn't have to go through this for a regular woman.

[/size]