I Will Always Find You

[Arthur Pendragon]

They were so close. So very close. Arthur could feel his heart pounding heavier in his chest, bracing himself for what may lay ahead. If Morgana was behind this, then Morgana could be there waiting. But it mattered not. As long as Guinevère was safe once more. No price was too high to pay for her safety. She was after all in this position and danger because of him. It was something that he would never stop feeling guilty for. He raced ahead of the others, not wanting to waste a moment. This entire tower was filled with traps, as was the impenetrable forest . . . but she was here. He knew she was. Not waiting for the others, he rushed forward, hearing them urge him to slow down but he did not heed to Merlin's warnings. Not this time. Gripping his sword tightly in his hand he raced forward, pushing through the only door in sight. He practically burst in, and his eyes didn't need to search the room for he saw her instantly.

Guinevère. Standing right in the middle of the dungeon like chamber. She was alive! That was the first thought that crossed his mind. She did not appear to be severely wounded. She was standing there, alive. Words could not describe his relief in this moment, though he knew that it was not over yet. They needed to get back home. "Guinevère," he said, breathing in relief as he stepped forward, toward her. He had been so distracted by just staring at her, that he didn't notice the sword flying around in the air. Though it seemed to notice him, for as he advanced toward Guinevère, the weapon with no one to wield it, rushed toward him. His reflexes were strong enough to block the attack, and once he did, it regained position in front of Guinevère, seeming to circle her. Just another barrier that kept him from his wife. One that he would find a way to overcome.

[Guinevère]

The days had been hell. Always the screaming. The screaming never stopped. Never once did it stop, until the faces came. They looked liked her friends, and family but they only laughed at her. Jumped out at her. Mocked her. Her heart had been beating so hard so long. She was so tired. Just so very very tired. Morgana kept coming. Kept being kind to her, but Guinevère knew it was some sort of a game. She was twisting her mind.

She'd spend so long crying that her voice hurt to speak. In the darkness, Morgana came again. Pulling her to another room and pushing her in. She said words that Guinevère could not know and a sword came up from the floor. "Please!" Guinevère begged, knowing that Arthur would come. If Morgana was doing this--then he was here.

She was dirty, and the black mud was on her skin, while the trail of tears as erased some of it. Morgana fled and Guinevère tried to walk past it but the sword would not allow it. Sounds off boots came and Guinevère feared this another trick. She wanted to believe it, but Arthur had come before. Only it had not been her Arthur.

When Arthur did enter she held her hand as if to keep him back. He called her name but she could not tell real from Morgana's games any longer! If this was a game she did not wish to play--and if this was Arthur, the sword would strike him down. "No!" She cried, begging him to stay back.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Hearing her speak was both reassuring and not . . . for her voice sounded hoarse and week. He knew it should be no surprise, for she was being held here as a prisoner. Morgana was keeping her captive so he doubted the woman showed Guinevère any kindness. But she was alive. That was what Arthur focused on right now. That his greatest fear had not come true; that he had not lost her forever. She may be concerned for him, but his concern was solely on her. And the men that came with him all felt the same. They had come for Guinevère. For their queen, friend and sister. And not a single one of them were going to leave here without her. Arthur better prepared himself this time, holding his sword up in a defensive stance as he waited for the magic sword to come at him.

And it did. It was as if he was fighting an invisible opponent. There was no body controlling it. It just cut through the air with each deadly swing, and Arthur managed to block each attack. But he was a man, and the sword conjured by magic could easily do this until he tired. He needed some sort of strategy. Trying not to take his eyes too long off of the weapon, he quickly glanced around the room, seeing a window. He began to control the direction of the fight, slowly moving toward the window and when the opportunity finally came, he used all his strength to swing the sword outside, and then quickly close and lock the window. Surely not even the sword could burst through that!

Not waiting for an instant, he spun around to see Guinevère, and hurried toward her. While doing so, he unclasped his cape, and when she was in front of him, draped it around her. He put his hand on her cheek, slightly alarmed by how cold it was. How cold all her skin was. Now seeing her more clear . . . she looked worn. Exhausted. She looked . . . as a prisoner did. Yet he couldn't take his eyes off of her, as the relief began to finally sink in, and all he could do now, was pull her in his arms, holding her close to his chest -- though he knew that he was probably only making her colder with the metal of his chain mail. But that concern was not strong enough to stop. He lowered his head, his lips resting on the top of her head as he just breathed her in. Finally, he had her back.

[Guinevère]

When the first clash of metal on metal happened, Guinevère shut her eyes and held her breath. Not real. It's not real. It had to not be real! How did you defeat a sword that would never grow tired and you could not injure? She rather it be just a vision meant to taunt her rather then it be her husband.

Opening them she watched the fight, begging for the sight to fade, praying for it to be real and Arthur to win somehow. Very time the sword clashes, she jumped and her heart beat harder. It was growing to hurt with how hard it had been going.

Yet somehow, Arthur did win. She he advanced on her, she took a half step back but soon found his cape around her. The scent of him filled her, just as his arms enclosed her. A sob broke from her chest as she tried to control the fear that this wasn't real. He would ask her to look at him, hope would come. Then he would laugh. They all laughed at her. Mocked her hope. Tried to break her. "P-please." She whispered, not sure if she was begging the real Arthur or begging for everything to stop. She only knew she was so afraid, and and she wanted to much to believe she was safe, in his arms.

Yet Morgana had made her afraid to hope.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He heard her speak in a quiet voice, yet all words failed him in this moment. He feared what she had endured here, what Morgana had put her through. While he was still basking in that relief that she was once more in his arms, the worry for her physical and emotional state was starting to course through him. "It's alright," he whispered in the softest of voices, only able to be heard for he was standing so close to her. "You're safe now," he added, wishing he could reverse time to spare her from all this. But he couldn't. All he could do was get out of this horrible place, and take her home. The nearing footsteps and calling of his name was what broke him out of this state.

"In here!" He answered, as he slightly pulled back to look at Guinevère. His eyes moving over her features, seeing that she had been crying. He had never seen her look so . . . worn before. It was the only way he could describe it. He put his hand on her cheek again, only lowering it when the rest of the group entered the room. Elyan rushed toward them, and Arthur took a step back to give the brother and sister their time together for a reunion. But they couldn't stay here long. They needed to leave before Morgana came to discover their presence.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère's fist came up to grasp what she could of Arthur's armor, holding him in return with only that much of her. She was afraid to fully embrace more of him. He whispered words that she so desperately wanted to believe, before signaling the others to were they were. Arthur stepped back ad her hand went with him, for a moment, before it shakenly realized him.

It was in these moments that Elyan embraced her, and she closed her eyes while pulling her arms and shoulders inward for a moment, as if his too frightened her. Her eyes moved up to meet Arthur's, trying desperately to discover the truth by what she saw reflected in his, while her hand moved to grasp her brother's arm.

The trip out of the tall and twisted castle was one of disbelieve and fear. The travel over the sands, and the bright light had begun to help clear her mind. The twisted forest of vines however, had frightened her yet again. She felt weak and a coward. The men stopped often so she could rest, and she could not bring herself to reach out to any of them for the first night. Even as the nightmares came.

Arthur would always hold her, and she would cry in his arms. Yet as the next few days of travel came, she began to believe. When she saw the castle in the sky, she recalled that she had once described them to Arthur as beacons of hope. The tallest towers could be seen for miles, and would lead you closer to it. When it came to view, she began to cry again, only these were softer tears and not sobs. Tears of gratefulness.

She was home. Arthur had come for her. This just might be real.

Hours later, Gaius shut the door to her shared chambers with Arthur and stood in the hall to face the men who had gathered there. Merlin, Elyan and of course, Arthur. "My lord, from what I can discern she has no injuries that will not heal in a few days. Her wrists are bruises, and she had other bruises but nothing broken or poisoned." He lowered his voice so Guinevère would not hear, "She needs rest, and since she is still afraid, I would recommend no visitors for tonight--forgive me Elyan, I know you must be worried but the less we overwhelm her the more at ease she will allow herself to become. You can see her at lunch tomorrow, but until then--" He looked at Arthur, "I would say just you, my lord. A maid brought some stew. She is very lacking in water and food. I doubt Morgana gave her either, but she did not speak of what happened to me."

Gaius could only give his recommendation when it came tot he queen however, Arthur had to give his approval.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Somehow, they had managed to get out the castle alive. Arthur had no idea what game Morgana was playing at. All he could conclude from this, was that they had been extremely fortunate to get in and out -- and most importantly, with Guinevère among them. They had to venture back through the woods however Merlin seemed to have some idea as to where they were going, as he did before. While the need to get there was not as urgent as coming, it was still an emergency. Guinevère was not well, and they had little food and water. Not nearly enough to restore her health. It was not just her physical health that Arthur was concerned about, but her emotional and mental one as well. She had been extremely quiet on the journey back, and seemed to be keeping a distance from most others. It made him all the more grateful that she allowed him to hold her at night. But her sleep was far from peaceful.

He didn't ask what happened in the Dark Tower, but it was effecting her so much that he wished he could make all her pain fade away . . . somehow. But for now, all he could do was hold her and let her crying, desperately hoping for a way to make it all go away for her. It seemed like ages before they were finally home, and he immediately called for Gaius, who was already waiting and ready. None of them were permitted in his and Guinevère's chambers, except for Merlin who was assisting Gaius. It felt like they had been waiting for hours, and both he and the men were silent. A couple went to quickly inform the council of what was happening, but the wait for Gaius to come to them was filled with silence. Each was lost in their own thoughts of concern for her. So when the silent hall suddenly filled with the pushing of a door, everyone moved toward it.

Gaius explained that there was no life threatening injury, and went on to describe reasons for her weakness. She had clearly been through some trauma but Arthur would not ask Gaius if she made mention of what had happened there. Not yet. Nor would he ask Guinevère. He would just make sure she recovered. It took Arthur a few moments to realize Gaius had stopped speaking and was looking to him for approval. "Thank you Gaius," Arthur said sincerely, though his mind was distracted. "I'll keep you informed Elyan," he assured the knight. It was best that she was not surrounded by too many people so that she could get her rest. Arthur trusted Gaius so he would comply with his recommendation. When the knights went on their way, Arthur entered his chambers, motioning for Merlin to leave, though he seemed to already understand.

When Gaius and Merlin were gone, the door closed behind them, Arthur looked at Guinevère lying on their bed. He had come so close to losing her, and she had endured far more than she ever should have. The past few days, the fear had been unbearable and while some of it had eased, it was replaced with pain for what she was still suffering. He moved toward the bed, pulling a chair so that he was sitting next to her. "Guinevère," he said softly, glancing at the bowl filled with stew and the pitcher of water next to it. There was so much he wanted to say to her, yet he would not burden her or force answers from her. She would tell him when she was ready, and tonight was not a good time. "Will you eat something?" He asked softly, reaching for the bowl of stew, ready to help her. She looked so weak . . . and it only made him angry beyond words at Morgana for what she did to his wife.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was in bed, just barely propped up, when the door opened again and her toes curled as her shoulders tensed up. Fearful of who was entering until she saw her husband. Only then did she relax. It was becoming easier to believe this was real, but at times--especially in her dreams--she still feared this was another trick of Morgana's.

"I am not hungry," She said said with a soft voice, not trying to be stubborn but just feeling quite numb physically in the moment. She felt neither tired nor rested, hungry nor content, cold nor warm. It was a nothingness that was only replaced with bouts of fear.

With Arthur close however, she felt safer already. She wished he would sit on the bed, and hold her in his arms but she wasn't sure she could ask in this moment. Fear kept her quite, for this was a dream it would only hurt all the more. "Ho--How long was gone?" She'd lost track.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She said she was wasn't hungry, and while Arthur didn't want to force her . . . this was the only way she would gain her strength. She questioned the duration of her absence, unable to even imagine how horrible it must have been for her. Trapped in a cell, unaware of the passage of time. "A few days," he answered softly. Days, which had felt like an eternity. It could have been months, years even . . . it would have felt the same. He didn't want to alarm her by giving a specific amount, for he was trying to help put her mind at ease. "Please eat something Guinevère," he tried again, softly urging her as he continued to hold the bowl of stew.

"For me?" If not for herself. Gaius had said she was malnourished; that she had not been given food. The thought of such torment made Arthur feel a kind of anger toward Morgana he'd never felt before. But right now, he needed to remain calm and composed. She was home. She was safe. And Arthur would make sure it stayed that way; that nothing like this would ever happen again. He dipped the spoon into the stew, looking at her with pleading eyes as he moved to closer to her lips. "Please?" He repeated, wanting to take care of her, if she would let him.

[Guinevère]

A few days?! Her heart skipped a beat. It was not the length of time that surprised her but how short it had been. Only a few days? It had felt so much longer. Her eyes held nothing back, but she was too tired to hold back her emotions. If she had been then she would be putting on a brave front to not ad to his feelings.

She looked at the spoon he held out for her and just stared at it for a moment. He asked her so kindly, and she did not wish to let him down. Yet the smell of food made her feel almost ill, for her belly was so very empty. Her eyes moved to his and she spoke, in a breathless whisper "I knew you'd come." before she turned her head to accept the sip.

As predicted her body almost rejected the sip, but it also soaked it up and embraced it. It had been so long sing she'd really eaten. Her fingers lifted to her lips, and her eyes closed for a moment, before her hand again feel to her lap and she could look at Arthur again.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Her words only made the guilt rise in him, though he was glad that she accepted the food. He wished she had not been there as long as she had. He wanted to apologize for everything. It was his fault she had been taken. He should have gone with her to her father's grave. But not only in that sense. Morgana was his enemy, and she was constantly finding ways to get to him. Guinevère had been a target of that; she had been used as bait. But right now, he didn't want to beg for her forgiveness. He knew what she would say. That it was not his fault. And that was the last thing he wanted to hear from her right now. He tried to smile when she said that, but it was failing. He was so happy to have her home, but that fear of what happened during her captivity worried him too much.

Instead of saying anything in response to her words, he instead took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He remained in that position for several moments before releasing her hand so that he could prepare another spoonful of stew, moving it to her lips. "Elyan wanted so desperately to see you. He will come tomorrow, after you have had a good night's rest," Arthur explained, not wanting her to feel alone in any way. For her brother would be here if he could. And he didn't doubt that the others would wish to see her as well. But tonight, it was just the two of them.

[Guinevère]

He spoke of her brother and Guinevère looked toward the door and then down at her hands. She wanted to see him him but she also felt the need to hide were it was safe. She knew that as Arthur's wife she could not afford to first, and the second was expected of her. Not from Arthur, but from everyone else. Yet the idea of walking out of the room was still hard.

"That would be nice," She whispered, trying to still her emotions. Arthur offered her another spoon full and she paused for a moment before taking it, again feeling the same reactions as the first but only not as strong. Her belly even began to grumble, as if it was hungry. She stayed silent for a few more sips before she spoke again, this time after he gave her the spoon her hand lifted to hold his near. "Thank you." Not for the soup. For coming for her. For not failing when the place she had been had been so frightening and awful. She knew he would come, and he had.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She seemed to be accepting the food with more ease now -- another cause to be relieved. When he filled the spoon once more, he paused when her hand held his near, his eyes moving to hers rather than looking at the spoon. She was thanking him, and he wished she wouldn't. There was no reason for her to feel grateful, yet he he knew the incredible woman she was. He knew that she would thank him, because she felt he did something heroic. When in actuality, he was the reason she had been put there to begin with. But as he had already realized, saying that would only cause her to deny. He knew that well enough. Just as he knew she would never blame him for what happened. Despite the fact that she had every right to. He remained silent for a few moments, looking at her both softly and intently, before finally speaking.

"You have nothing to thank me for," he assured her, as he moved the spoon to her lips once more. He had almost lost her before and this time, it had felt worse -- if that were even possible. He was so used to have her in his life, and these past few years his love for her had grown -- if that was even possible as well. He could not imagine his life without her in it. Just as he was having trouble recalling a time when he was not in love with her. "I love you Guinevère," he said, not having planned the words, but they needed no build up. He had just feared he'd never be able to say them to her again, and now, wanted to make sure that such words were never left unsaid.

[Guinevère]

He said that she did not have to thank him but she knew she did. He had gone into a place where all knights were taught to fear it's name. She had seen the bodies, the bones that had lined the place. It was a evil place--and he had braved it without even knowing she was truly there. He had gone there on hope alone that she was there. When he told her that he loved her she pushed the blankets back and moved to crawl into his lap.

She wasn't hungry, she was frightened. What she wanted more then anything in these moments were to be held by him. Her head rested on his collar, while her hands fisted in his shirt to hold him closer. She felt herself shiver but it wasn't from any chill. "I love you too," It was there, curled up on his lap that she felt the most safe. She had lost the untouchable feeling she once had by being in the castle. Not it was only here that she felt safe in. "I feared I would never see you again. The real you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Seeing her begin to shift, he set down the bowl of stew and his arms became fully welcoming of her. She moved to sit on his lap and his arms wrapped around her to hold her close to him. She may need food and water to keep up her strength, but for now, he would be selfish because he needed her. He just needed to feel her close to him, and be assured of the fact that she was home and safe. He closed his eyes, nestling his head against the side of her head. For the first time since he'd heard news of her disappearance . . . he felt at peace. There was still much that she needed to recover from, but they were together again. And they had proved time and time again, that they were stronger united. Though he was also not about to deny that most of the strength he got, was from her. She said that she too loved him, and he had heard no sweeter words in so long. He wanted to say the words again, and again. All night, every night, so that she would never forget them.

She spoke of having feared never seeing him again -- the real him -- and he wondered what she meant by that. He wanted to ask, but did not want to make her relive the memories that haunted her dreams. They were of course still fresh in her mind and he would not make her bring them to voice when she was not ready. Keeping his arms securely around her, he slid off the chair and onto the bed, making sure she was still in the same position on his lap. He wanted her to be comfortable on the bed, so lay his head against the head board of the bed, keeping one arm around her and the other one gently stroking the back of her head. He had the same fear as her; fearful of never seeing her again. But he knew that right now, he should be confident. And not make her re-experience that fear. Just as he did not want to. "You needn't fear that," he said in a soothing voice. "I nearly lost you once Guinevère, and I swear, that I will not lose you again." Not ever.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère felt him move them to the bed, and at first she felt the fear again, but when he sat down and rested them there she relaxed into his hold rather then tense up for fear he would lay her down and try to fed her some more. She did not blame him, not in the smallest bit. She knew were fault was, and it was not with any one here. "I knew you'd come. I feared you would, but I knew that you'd come." She had not--still did not--wish him harm from trying to save her.

Morgana had done this, and Guinevère had let her. Had she fought more or stayed with the others instead of running away from snakes she would have been safe. She could have kept them all safe. "I feel so afraid," She whispered very softly, while letting him hold her. She buried deeper into his hold, "I fear I will awaken and be back there." Not in his arms. Not here in their bed. She feared that awakening more then anything else Morgana could do to her.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Guinevère never lacked faith in him. Not even back when he wasn't half the man he was now. When he was more arrogant, and a bully. She had spoken of how much faith she had in him, because she was the only one who could see who he really was. The only one who could see past the surface; the person he acted as he was to everyone else. She saw something inside of him. Even now, her faith in him never failed to fill him with honor and privilege. He had been so afraid the worst had happened, yet he had enough faith and hope to have journeyed to the Dark Tower. It was never a matter of not going. He almost apologized for taking so long to come, but stopped himself. She would not accept his apologies and he shouldn't be making her use what little strength she had to debate them. She spoke of being afraid, and Arthur's heartache for what she had endured that made her fear even falling asleep.

He had seen how hard it was for her, how terrified she was, when they were in the woods and she would cry from her nightmares, or just not sleep at all. "I'm here," he said in a soft voice, trying to help soothe her mind. "And I'm not going anywhere." No more leaving the castle for some time, for either of them. "I promise you that I will be here when you fall asleep, and when you wake up." While they often fell asleep in each others arms and where there when they woke up, he felt the need to remind her . . . especially tonight. "You're safe now, and I will let no more harm come to you." Not again. Not anymore. He would do more to protect her; whatever it takes. He kissed the top of her head, leaving his lips there in a lingering embrace as he wondered if it was he or her who gained more comfort from this action.

[Guinevère]

He seemed to be encouraging her to sleep but she knew that she could not. The dreams would come. It mattered not that his arms were around her, for in this moment everything was too real to her. She felt safe awake and in his arms. "I would rather speak a while with you," She said softy, wanting to hear him talk to her to help ease things.

When he spoke she could hear his voice rumbling in his chest since her ear was pressed to him. It was a deep and comforting sound. She needed to hear more of it. Needed to keep that reminder that he was near. "I kept thinking . . . . " She paused for a moment as tears came to her eyes and she turned her face more into his chest, "I kept thinking that I might never see you again. And of how much I wish I had given you a son first." She wanted children, and coming so close to death, being so afraid . . .

She had regrets.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She told him that she would rather speak with him, and he hoped that it would help her. He would do whatever it to to help calm her mind and heart. And if she wished to talk, then he would spend the rest of the night talking to her until she found that peaceful state of slumber. Her words however caused him to pause, thinking about a child. She had thought of one? Up in that awful place? They had been married for over three years, and he knew that the fact that they had no child, was something that weighed heavily on both of them. Not only because of needing an heir, but because they both longed for that completion to their family. That honor to call a child their own. A product of the love they shared. But right now, he didn't want her to feel upset about anything. Least of all things that were out of her control. Yet it was those things that were more difficult to comfort her over.

He looked at her eyes as they filled with tears, and raised his hand to gently brush one away. "In a way, fate favored us, for I would not want our child to endure the absence of their mother. However temporary." Especially under these circumstances. "And now that you are home and safe once more, God-willing, we will have a child. Amaren, or Anna. Or perhaps both," he said, wanting to sound encouraging and confident that one day, they would be able to call themselves parents. For he knew that this was something that was upsetting her, and did not wish for her to place further pressure on herself. God willing . . . they would have children.

[Guinevère]

He begin to speak of fate and she shook her head. No. No, it was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted a child. His child. Something to leave him with, something to give him. Another reason to have to live and be strong. She wanted that child now more then ever. It was an almost desperate need, and she feared more and more that she would never get that chance. Never hold such a child in her arms.

She needed to speak to Gaius when she was stronger. See what matter of things that could be done to help her give a child to her family. "Soon." Guinevère whispered her wish, knowing that she could not will it to happen. She only knew in these moments she wanted him to know what she wanted most. Ironic that Arthur held the power to give her the world, but she lacked the ability to give him something so small as a child.

Pulling herself up enough to look into his face she lifted her hand to rest on his cheek. She had been able to clean her face from the black mud like stuff that had been on her, but she knew she could not look better then that. Sliding her arm around him, she hugged him, just held him tightly.