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Even if Iwan had backed himself into a corner, and had convinced himself he was never going to like Caitrin, she was going to convince him otherwise. It was her talent after all, and she wasn’t going to let Iwan just slip by her, especially not after she had already put this much effort into trying to court him. It was taking most of her efforts just to remain sweet, Jesu, it didn’t take much to tell this wasn’t her real nature. It was just so much hard work, but she was going to keep it up, though once they started the ride she was sure she could relax a little more. The gentleman inside Iwan wouldn’t leave her, surely. “Do you have a name in mind my Lord? Or should we name him once you have tried him out, and got a feel for his personality?” Her words were still said with a sweet smile, as she tucked some hair behind her ear.

Eventually he did offer to help her onto the horse, which Caitrin had been expecting him to do. After all, that was what gentlemen did wasn’t it? She nodded softly, her smile still on her lips, “I would, thank you my Lord.” Iwan swiftly helped her onto the horse, and she mounted Lily side saddle, as she usually would. Really, it would be silly if Iwan was surprised at the way she was riding today, as the saddle wasn’t built to ride side saddle, it was just an ordinary saddle. Luckily she was wearing quite a long riding dress, so her hose and modesty were covered. That could only work in her favour with Iwan. With any other man, the sight of her hose would drive them to the brink of insanity with their desires, Iwan was completely different, and if she was flashing her hose then he would probably turn the horse around and run for the stables. It was hardly a flattering thought.

Well, Iwan was smiling at her, so that was something. Even if he wasn’t enjoying himself he was still smiling, and she could work with that. It would be so much harder if he had just gone back up to the castle, and left her here. That would have made this courtship almost impossible, but only almost. Caitrin was quite a determined woman after all. She nudged Lily so she was now seated parallel to Iwan, and she grinned across at him. “The woods’ sounds like an excellent idea my Lord.” She nudged her horse forwards a little bit, really she was getting tired of this pretence. “Shall we race there my Lord? Being a knight, I am sure you are quite an accomplished horseman, and I enjoy a challenge.” There, her personality was starting to come out, but the little smile was there, because she knew she could easily lose this.

Caitrin released a small breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. After all, she had been quite nervous about Griff’s reaction. They hadn’t really ever spoken about a family, because every time they had it had just led them back to her miscarriage and all the guilt and pain that came with it. She couldn’t bring herself to think about that now, because there was a new life for them to be excited about, and care about. This was all going to be fine, and they were going to be parents and do everything right this time. “Good, I think it’s a good shock too.” She replied with a small, warm smile and pressed herself up against her husband. This was her little family, and she loved it; that would never change.

The fact that Griff had been the first man that Caitrin had fallen in love with made it quite natural that he should be the one she had been holding out for. Though they’d got engaged, it had been a harder fight to get them both up the aisle. All of that was in the past though, and she loved Griff with every fibre of her being. She couldn’t imagine spending her life with anyone else, and she didn’t want to imagine that either. Griff was just everything to her; he was the first thing she thought of in the morning and the last thing at night. “Well, I could have said no to your suggestion.” She jested with a glint in her eye. There was no way that she was ever going to say no to Griff when he had proposed to him. She had made him repeat the proposal traditionally, but she would have never rejected him. She had been waiting for him to ask her, and he really had made her the happiest woman alive.

Though she had been the one to suggest it, now she thought about it, telling her Uncle the good news wasn’t actually that appealing. He wouldn’t exactly sweeten his mood, and she wanted to be excited about the news for the moment and enjoy it with her husband. She didn’t want this euphoria to be ruined because of her Uncle. There wasn’t much her Uncle could do now anyway, he couldn’t exactly prevent the fact she was pregnant. The small rounding of her belly was going to be a source of joy for her and her husband for the rest of their lives. They were going to get this so right, and their child would be loved. “Well, he doesn’t have to know straight away...” Caitrin’s words were laced with the usual air of suggestion that took hold when she was faced with her husband. Her hands slipped round her husband’s neck and her lips pressed against his. “We could always celebrate without him.” Still the suggestion was incredibly obvious, and it would be hard for Griff to not get her drift. They were never particularly subtle about things like this, and this child hadn’t been born out of one night of duty. No, there was as much heat between their bed sheets as there always had been.

Caitrin laughed to herself and ran a hand through her hair. It felt silly in a way that she was already thinking about her child being courted, and they hadn’t even been born yet. “Concerned because I know what I got up to at court my Lord.” She said mischievously with a glint in her eyes. She wouldn’t like to think her children were getting up to such things, but she didn’t want them to be led by the experience of others. She would strive to raise her children to be strong of course. “If I do my job they won’t need a push.” She winked at Elyan, but she was glad her children would have others watching out for them at court as well as her and her husband. That was important of course especially as they were growing up. They would know that there was always someone there to look out for them and guide them.

The night air was still quite warm, despite sundown being quite some time ago. As she sat down, the full weight of her belly became apparent to her, she was ready to burst yet the baby still hadn’t shown itself. Caitrin shifted herself so that she could sit comfortably, but nothing seemed to work. She wouldn’t be comfortable until this baby was in her arms. She really was too big, and it felt good to take the weight of the child off her feet for a few moments. Caitrin smiled at Elyan as he spoke, “Then what would you suggest my Lord, to make it completely perfect?” She asked, grinning softly because it was something to be thought on. She couldn’t imagine anything that could make the gardens any more beautiful than they already were.

The sudden flash of light in the night sky caught Caitrin’s attentions straight away. Her eyes darted up as the light ran across the starry sky. It was a beautiful, and almost magical sight to behold. She nodded at Elyan, “I saw it my Lord.” It was truly breathtaking, she wanted to say it was magical but she stopped herself just in time, and substituted it for, “What do you think it means?” She asked him, rather taken aback by what the heavens had given them on this evening. Perhaps it was a sign of good things to come, perhaps it was the spirits showing her that she was going to be fine, and so would her child.

Hmm. Caitrin didn’t really like the sound of war, despite the fact that she had grown up in Mercia, and she had probably learnt the art of war before she had learnt how to curtsey and act like a lady. After all, war affected all levels of society, many forgot that, but the de Archer’s didn’t. Though Caitrin didn’t hold much respect for her family on the whole, she did appreciate that her brothers had taught her about war, and how it raged through the kingdom. Women had to be strong for their families, and she had taken that through her whole life. “Well hopefully you will be spared a war.” Though there was always a victor in war, everyone lost something in war. Men were lost, fathers were cut down before getting to know their children, and wives were made widows. War truly was an ugly affair of sorts, and not one she would wish on anyone. She did want Yassia to regain her throne, but the thought of lives having to pay for that conquest made the hairs on the back of her arms stand on end. That was the way of the world though, and she could run and hide from it and ignore the prospect but she was naive to imagine it would never happen. War was as much a fact of life as breathing was; unfortunately. “You know you always have my support Yassia, even if that only counts in morale.” She couldn’t exactly offer men, money or weaponry, but she could support her friend in spirit. It wasn’t that amazing, but it was something.

Her father would probably be unfazed at how much she had changed, perhaps he would still assume he had some sort of hold over her. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was a young woman and she was about to embark on her own life with her own family. Her father couldn’t change that, her Uncle fully supported her marriage with Griff and that was all she needed. Caitrin wondered if he would still dare raise a finger to her, she hadn’t seen him in many, many years now but she supposed his temper hadn’t changed at all. If anything it had probably gotten a lot worse. She couldn’t imagine him getting on with Griff at all. Payton had always valued men on their skills on the battlefield, Caitrin wasn’t sure if Griff could even hold a sword. “Well I haven’t seen him for years now, maybe he’ll have cut me off in his eyes.” Hopefully she thought bitterly.

Her friends worries made Caitrin just smile warmly at her. Really, the only women who were ever caught tended to be the airy fairy ones who really did want to be caught anyway. They were then usually married off at great haste. It wasn’t pretty, but it was their culture, and she knew that. “We’ll be fine.” Caitrin promised, she had a small dagger at her hilt, as was the norm. She couldn’t exactly go around with a sword, she wouldn’t know how to use it anyway. A dagger was different, her brother had taught her to use it, and though she was rusty, she knew which end to use if trouble did arise. “I wonder if there are any hunters out today, though I am already taken, so I am sure you would attract more attention than me.” Caitrin pointed out with sparkling eyes. She couldn’t get a man to chase her, but Yassia could. Caitrin nudged on her horse into a faster stride as the forest passed them by, “How far should we go?” She asked, half laughing at the sensation of riding through the forest. Somehow she just felt content, and free for the moment.

It was sometimes easy for Caitrin to forget that Yassia was here on political means as well as a friendly visit. Caitrin was just here as Oliver’s guest, and though Yassia was as well, she was here to find support for her cause as well. Caitrin had always hoped, since she had met Yassia all that time ago, she would be able to take back her throne. She was sure her friend was a more than capable Queen, perhaps even more so now that she had spent so much time away from Ailantha. She had seen the way other monarchs ruled over their kingdoms so perhaps she would take that back with her. Caitrin wasn’t sure, and she was grateful of the fact she would never have to worry about anything apart from ruling her own household. She could cope with that. “I am sure Mercia will aid you.” Caitrin said softly, though she hoped that the King did not send her family to fight the cause, though they were perfectly able knights of course.

Hmm. Though Caitrin felt nothing but disgust when her father entered her thoughts, she wasn’t sure she would run away from him. That would prove she was still scared of him, she had run away from him when she had been a child, often with a fresh bruise on her little cheeks. She shook her head at her friend, she wouldn’t be running and hiding from her father, not his time. If he raised a finger on her then she would have him thrown out of the castle, and she could return to Camelot with her head held high. Weakness had never been a thing the de Archer’s showed willingly, and Caitrin was no exception, perhaps her father was counting on that, “I won’t run away from him.” Caitrin said a little too firmly, and she smiled at her friend, letting her know that she wasn’t offended by her words, “If he has the courage to come and pass judgement then I will have him do so to my face.” Pride was another Mercian trait that Caitrin had retained throughout her time in Camelot. They faced things square on, and the women were expected to be as strong as the men most of the time.

Caitrin decided to leave the topic of Oliver and Yassia for the moment, because she really was baffled by it. She had thought her relationship with Griff, in the offset at least, had been complicated enough. Listening to Yassia now, it made Caitrin realise how easy her own courtship had been, and she was grateful for that now. She and Griff had their troubles, they had their low moments, but they were still both here, and they were both very much in love. Caitrin looked up, she’d hardly been taking in where they were. Oh, the woods she used to play in as a child were just coming up ahead. “We should go through the forest of course, what fun would there be in avoiding it?” She asked with a grin, and then found herself laughing, “I did tell you the tales of women being chased by knights through these woods didn’t I?”

Sharing the blame sounded like the most logical option. Caitrin was quite stubborn, so no doubt unless they shared the blame they would just be sat here all afternoon about who was actually to blame. It was an amusing thought, and no doubt in doing so they would attract quite a lot of attention. Caitrin smiled to herself but nodded all the same, “I think that is wise.” She replied to the young woman who she had bumped into. Well, at least the woman was unharmed, and excepting what Caitrin assumed was a bruise on her elbow, she believed she would be fine as well. She had suffered worse before, and she was sure she would suffer worse in her future, after all, there always seemed to be something around the corner in Camelot. “Well at least you are unharmed my Lady.” Caitrin replied brightly and politely, she wasn’t sure what sort of birth the woman was yet, so addressing her formally seemed like the right thing to do.

Though Caitrin noticed the woman holding her arm, she didn’t say anything about it, because if there was something troubling her she doubted the woman would want to tell her anyway. Caitrin did try and shift her arm again, and though she could move the bone it still ached, maybe she was just in shock or something. The last thing she needed was to injure it, she had too much to do to have her arm slung up for a week or so. She was a busy woman, and she had thing to sort out. There was a wedding to plan after all. Her ring was still on her finger, so at least she hadn’t lost that in the fall, that was the most important thing for the moment in Caitrin’s head, despite the pain in her arm.

She wasn’t sure what to think of the woman helping her, she supposed she felt a duty to as they had collided with each other. She wasn’t going to protest because if she could offer her some counsel it would save her a trip to the physician, and that was time she could spend doing other things. Caitrin bowed her head at the woman, she sometimes didn’t mind being called just Caitrin, but perhaps for now she would retain her title. “It is a pleasure to meet you too.” Though the woman hadn’t actually introduced herself, hmm, that was slightly irritating. “What may I call you?” She asked gently, not wanting to scare the woman or make her feel uncomfortable.

A camp? Caitrin had only heard of vagabonds and of course Druids who kept camps. She didn’t want to label the young woman as either, as both were incredibly dangerous labels in Camelot. She held her breath for a moment as she nodded. Caitrin would never seek to see harm come to anyone else who held sorcery, as she was a sorceress herself, though no one could ever know that. Not even her fiancée knew she had sorcery. The latter question was the one Caitrin chose to focus on, “We could just step out into the fields? The city is too busy to find a spot of respite, but outside the walls it is quite quiet.”

Mercia was an incredibly hot headed country, where men tended to rule by the sword, but that was how they had always lived and how they would always live. Caitrin had never had a problem with it when she had lived here, but she supposed she had never known any better. She had assumed that every kingdom was quite similar. She did sometimes miss Mercia, though she would probably miss it more if her father wasn’t here. It was her father she had the main problem with in the Kingdom, if he were not here she wouldn’t mind moving back tomorrow. “Well we’ve never led ourselves to extinction in the past, I’m sure we’ll manage.”Caitrin pointed out with a grin, her own family was always quite militarily strong, and they had always used that to their advantage. The de Archer’s were fearsome in their own rights, and she had sometimes loved the prestige that that brought along with it in the Mercian courts. Her family name didn’t mean as much in Camelot, in fact it meant very little apart from the fact she was Mercian.

Really, Caitrin knew she should tell Yassia about her father because no doubt he would make an unwanted appearance during their time in Mercia. She was surprised he hadn’t already come to seek her out, it was just like him to pry in her life after all. Since she became betrothed to Griff, his letters to her had stopped, and she assumed he had cut her off, of perhaps that was just wishful thinking. “Well he’s bound to pop up before we leave.” She pointed out rather reasonably, “His name is Lord Payton de Archer, and you’re right in thinking there is very little love lost between us.” She didn’t want to go into all the details of her childhood in front of her friend, after all, she didn’t want Yassia to start feeling sorry for her for something which was really beyond anyone’s control now. “I just had a difficult childhood, that was all. It wasn’t a very loving home.” That was one of the reasons that Caitrin was so determined to get her own family right. She would never want her children to go to sleep thinking they were unloved, or that they were a burden. No, any children born between her and Griff would be so loved.

Everything about Oliver and Yassia just struck Caitrin as odd. There had to be other things at play here, because none of it made sense. Why would Oliver want the incident in the forest to remain a secret if he then proceeded to kiss Yassia when they were on their own? Caitrin pressed her lips together, she couldn’t imagine what was going on here, and she couldn’t advise Yassia on what to do if she had no idea what to say herself. Oliver did always have a habit of lurching from one woman to the next in court, much like Caitrin’s own brother Jeffrey. She looked over at her friend and shrugged, “Maybe he is getting his head around something?” She suggested, because she had no other idea, “Perhaps you should just see how it goes. Oliver has always been rather changeable after all.”

Caitrin had always known that Aidan was an incredibly shy man, but that was probably because he was hardly ever at court. He had eventually relaxed around Caitrin, though perhaps it had been harder for Elenora, after all Caitrin had got to know Aidan on a one to one basis. They had not had the whole of the court as their witnesses. She nodded at Nora’s words, not really sure what counsel to offer at this point. She had never really been in the situation Nora was describing, though she could imagine the situation quite vividly as if it were happening in front of her very eyes. Caitrin could only look on at Nora, thinking of the right words, and willing them to come to her, “I am sure you have never offended anyone. He was probably just as nervous as you were Nora.” She explained softly and ran a hand through her hair again.

Esmae, who had been asleep, began to groan and wriggle in her blankets and without hesitation Caitrin set down her tea and scooped her daughter out of her blankets. She had always been quite a light sleeper, and stirred easily, whereas her brother tended to have a deeper and longer sleep. The child only cried for a few moments before realising she was in her mother’s warm arms again. The baby was pressed up against her mother’s chest, her head coming to rest just on her shoulder. Esmae quickly settled into her new position and she began to close her eyes again. “Bad dream I think.” Caitrin said softly, looking on at her friend as her hands supported her baby daughter. She kissed Esmae’s head before wondering what to say back to her friend.

“Aidan is quite a shy sort of man, if he did like you it is likely he would not hint at it. He’s not one to put his feelings on the table.” The opposite to her husband, Caitrin reflected. She looked back at Nora, “I know that isn’t helpful, but all I can advise is perhaps you should make the next move. Perhaps invite him for a ride out into the countryside, or a picnic, or even to dine with you. I am sure he would appreciate the effort.” The next piece of advice that Nora was asking for was something Caitrin couldn’t just teach her straight away. She could be crude about it, and suggest unladylike things for Nora to partake in to retain Aidan’s attention. That had worked for Caitrin, but Nora seemed very different in many respects. “Confidence will come with time, as you get to know him better it will come.” Not all women were born to be bold and loud. Caitrin was a loud and bold woman, but that didn’t mean that Elenora had to be as well.

This was all starting to get too much for Caitrin. She couldn’t look at Griff without remembering what they had once had. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all, they were supposed to be fine, and happy, and looking forwards to spending the rest of their lives together. Somewhere down the line it had all gone wrong, they’d argued, they’d both been stupid and stubborn and now they were here. When she looked at Griff, she could see he was just as broken as she was. He wasn’t grinning like he used to, he wasn’t acting like he knew everything, and that no one could top his ego. That was probably one of the things which upset Caitrin the most. She blinked a few times, almost wanting Griff to transform in front of her, to become the man she had fallen in love with, and not a drunken, pitying shade of his former self. She couldn’t say she felt much better herself though. She couldn’t just act like she didn’t care anymore, because she did, she couldn’t lie to herself and say she could just go off and get any man in Camelot. She didn’t want any man in Camelot, she knew exactly what she wanted, even if she didn’t want to fully admit it to herself.

Should she be grateful that he was being so honest with her? Now, more than ever, she didn’t want him to lie to her, and tell her sweet words that had no substance, but it didn’t help her understand what he was saying. She’d known from day one that he ran without looking back, because he’d done that with his own home hadn’t he? Perhaps she had been naive enough to think she might be different, that he might make the effort for her. “Do you still want to be with me?” She was asking him seriously now, because she needed to know one way or the other. It didn’t mean that she would be flinging her arms around him, or even forgiving him, but it was a start, “Or do you just want to run away, and leave me again?” Now that was the main question, because Caitrin wasn’t going anywhere just yet, she couldn’t.

Caitrin was almost choking herself, holding back her tears. She almost felt like she was feeling everything that she had felt when she had been down there in the dungeons. Then she looked back up at Griff, and just felt hollow and empty. Of course he wouldn’t want to know about what she’d gone through in the dungeons. He wouldn’t want to hear about how she’d been chained up like a wild animal, and how Morgana had tormented her for days on end, and how she’d been made to feel like she was insignificant and some silly little woman. No, Griff wouldn’t want to hear any of that would he? She pressed her lips together, stopping her tears from falling in the process. “You would have known if you had stayed.” Her words hollow, and high pitched as she stopped her tears.

Yes, he knew he had been wrong now, but where did that leave them? He’d already told her that he still loved her, and she did want to believe him more than anything else in the world, but in the same breath she didn’t want to be hurt again. She just nodded at him, because there was nothing else to say. Celyn’s hand in hers felt warm, and inviting. He hadn’t ever left her side, he had stayed to pick up the mess Griff had left. She still couldn’t understand why. She looked up at Celyn, but her gaze quickly found itself being tugged back to Griff, and she bit her lip nervously, finding herself unnaturally nervous.

No. She couldn’t go, everything was telling her to let her lead Celyn from the tavern, for him to take her home so she could get on with rebuilding her life to a fraction of what it had been. She sniffed back again, trying not to cry, and trying to not get emotional. Her hand left Celyn’s and she found herself just walking back over to Griff without a word to either men. She couldn’t help herself, and it wasn’t fair in a way. She couldn’t just leave and forget Griff, she thought she would find it easier than this to just forget about. A part of her wanted to just throw her arms around him, and hold him there, she’d imagined seeing him so much during their time apart, but now she found herself stuck somewhat. There was something there though, something which just upset her by looking at Griff. Her self control was lacking and she felt her eyes brimming up with tears which soon began to fall. She didn’t like crying in front of anyone, it just made her feel weak and vulnerable. “Do-do you want to know what we lost when I was locked up in the dungeons, and you were here?” She didn’t raise her hands to brush her tears away because she could feel herself shaking as her composure began to wane somewhat. No one but her Uncle knew what she had happened down in the dungeons, because no one else could know, but she owed it to Griff to at least tell him.