Guilty Pleasures

[Guinevère]

Thomas looked up at Arthur with a goofy smile that was bright and happy. "Don't worry, Arthur, I'll teach you." He said while laughing knowing that he couldn't but enjoying the teasing. They rode for a long while, just talking and joking like only boys could. Thomas told Arthur about training and asked a million questions about how to care for horses. When their time together was over, Thomas returned to his chambers with his mother and ran to her to tell her.

Guinevère awoke and found the note but as Thomas was back by then it mattered not. She smiled thinking of how Arthur had not felt he needed to ask, for he felt enough like a partner in this to make these sort of calls. It was not until that Thomas spoke of his own horse that she felt hesitant. Horses had almost killed both her sons and while she knew as a knight he needed to be on them.....it never lessened her fear.

Spending some time with Thomas while letting Amaren sleeping longer, Guinevère went out trying to ready everything for tonight. She wanted everything perfect. Picking up toys, getting the table set, hanging some ivy in a few places. Everything to add a touch of festive to the home they had built here.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur enjoyed every moment he was able to spend with Thomas, and felt disappointed when their time drew it its inevitable end. He would cherish each second with the boy, and prayed that fate was kind and that this would not be the last time they rode together. Helping Thomas off his horse, he showed him which stable was his as his horse was returned to it, and they went their separate ways. Thomas back to his quarters no doubt, and Arthur had more meetings lined up for the rest of the day. The rest of the day went by quickly, as there was much to do, and to Arthur's relief . . . he managed to get it done. He had made sure not to waste a second, so that he could be at ease tonight as he spent the evening -- and night -- with his family. He also got Amaren's gifts together.

Where Thomas had gotten a real horse, Arthur had a wooden rocking horse made for Amaren. With that, were a few toys, and one in particular, representative of his name: Pendragon. It was a soft toy, made of fabric and stuffed with cotton, in the shape of a dragon . . . red and gold in color. He was not sure if Guinevère wished to claim him as his son should something happen to him at war . . . but he explained his thoughts in the form of a letter. Or, letters. For he had a handful for each of the children, and one main one for Guinevère. Though, in a way all the letters were for her. For her to read, and remember. He dressed out of his armor and wore the shirt that she made for him, putting his belt around it and his sword tucked in between -- just in case. Changing his pants and boots, he felt ready enough to go over, dressed comfortably and ready to spend the evening with Guinevère, Thomas, Amaren and their unborn child.

After he tucked the letters in the inside pocket of his coat, Arthur piled the toys on the seat of the rocking horse, as he used a cloth to conceal the entire thing. He informed Merlin where he would be and told him to come find him should anyone be searching for the king. While Arthur did not speak at great length about his relationship with Guinevère . . . Merlin did not seem overly opposed to it. So he was willing to help him as more of a friend to the two of them, rather than a servant following their master's orders. With that settled, Arthur made his way to Guinevère's chambers, using the less populated hallways for he was carrying something rather large and awkward shaped. When he got to the servant's door, he used his elbow to knock a few times, as he was still holding the rocking horse in his arms.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère got Amaren up and dressed, putting him into a red shirt, and black pants. It was meant to make him look like his father, dressing him in the clothing colors Arthur favored. She left the boys playing in the main room while she took care of some girl needs, then brushed her hair in her chambers. Guinevère could hear them playing and it made her smile. Thomas was being a knight and trying to made Amaren be in training to be one. He kept calling orders and then playfully fussing when Amaren did what he wanted too anyway.

She was brushing her hair when she heard a knock at the servants door. As Arthur came and went as he please, she felt her heart kick up. Was it a message? Could he not come? Moving toward the door she paused before opening it, careful to stand behind it some to hide what the dress did not. "Arthur!" She smiled and opened to door more, the dispair gone and replaced with perfect joy. "Sit that on the bed!" So he did not drop.....whatever he held. Once his hands were free, she filled them agian by stepping into his arms for a kiss. "When I heard the knock i feared you might be be free to come." She admitted in a breathless tone once the kiss broke.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur instantly smiled when he saw her as she stepped aside to let him enter. He did as he was told, setting the covered gift on the bed and when his hands were no longer occupied by the gifts, she read his mind and stepped toward him, taking their place. He deeply kissed her in return, letting himself just bask in the pleasure and joy he always received when embracing her. Letting linger for a few moments longer, he reluctantly ended it as she said that she had been worried that he may not be able to come. "I wouldn't miss this for the world," he told her softly, leaning forward to kiss her again. How he missed her all day. In the months that he had not been able to see her, and even now only able to see her during the night and other stolen moments . . . it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Not until the day they were married.

Slowly bringing the second kiss to an end, he looked at her, a soft smile on his lips as his eyes soaked in her perfection. "How are you?" He asked, wondering -- and hoping -- she had gotten enough rest with the baby. His hand went to her growing belly, as he glanced down at it for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "How are you both?" He corrected, of course concerned about both of their well being. While he tried not to think of leaving in these moments . . . he knew that leaving her chambers would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère smiled but it faded under his kiss as her lips became more occupied, and the expression turned to longing. Though the smile returned when her lips were no longer clasped to his in an embrace. "we both are well and happy. You son rested enough today that I did not even feel ill." Because she was assuming this child would be a boy, as she had been given two sons thus far. Not that she minded, for her sons had given her nothing but the most blinding and heart swelling love that she could imagine.

Reaching for his sword belt she unbuckled it. "Surely you can leave this in here?" For he was not a king tonight, but a father, a husband, a lover . . . . a man. She sat it on the bed before turning back to his arms, and letting the warmth fill her as the sounds of the children continued from the other room. "This feels complete." She told him, "You being here. It makes this feel more whole." More like a family, and just . . . . right.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He could not keep the smile from his lips whenever they were not pressed against hers. He was relieved to hear that she had gotten enough rest, for both her and the child's sake. One that she seemed to firmly believe was a boy . . . but whether it was a son or daughter they would have, it was a child. And Arthur longed to be there in the moment it was introduced to this world so that he could be one of the first people to greet him or her. His thoughts were distracted when she moved to remove his sword belt, and his smile remained in place. "I think I'll be fine without it," he said a bit teasingly, more so toward himself though. He had grown quite attached to the weapon, even if it has been in his possession for years now. However tonight, and at any other time, he would much rather hold her than a sword.

And as if on cue, sh came back to him and stepped into his arms once more. Which only made him wrap his own around her and held her close to him. "I know the feeling," he replied softly. "For it is only with you, that I feel truly happy." That he felt complete. That he felt like himself. That he felt like he could get through anything and everything. She was the source of his strength, and so many other things that could not be described in mere words. He leaned forward, his lips now resting on her forehead rather than her lips. He kept them there for a few moments before pulled back enough to speak. "Thank you Guienvere. For all you have given me." Not just the children -- though he was indeed grateful for that -- but all the other things: happiness, hope, faith, strengh, and so on. So many things that he wondered if she truly knew just how much she'd given him.

[Guinevère]

Guenevere wondered if Arthur truly knew just how much he had given her. Not just the children, though she was indeed so very grateful for them to be in her life, but the strength and confidence, and love . . . the hope he had given her heart just from his gaze upon her. She felt alive. Before that night . . . that first night when they were together, she had been sleeping. She smiled, she laughed, but she had not felt alive. Now she was enjoying life as never before, and felt awake and whole.

"Thank you Guinevère. For all you have given me." "I should be thanking you, Arthur." She admitted, "You have given me so much more then I could ever try to give you. I feel alive now, when before I was just pretending. You saved me. Your love saved me." And she hoped that in ways she could save him too. For before he had cut himself off from everyone, and now he was trusting Merlin again and taking time to enjoy life. She hoped he had friends that he embraced in more ways then just as knights or brothers in arms. She wanted that for him so much.

She had always wanted that for him. "This will be the first birthday that I will enjoy with a whole family." Lancelot had died before he could be at Thomas'.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Thanking him? Though he reasons honored him beyond words, he couldn't agree with them. What had he given her, other than heartache. He had been the source of her tears, his actions -- and inactions -- the source of her pain. He had gone back to his wife after being with her. He was the reason Thomas had been kidnapped, and he was the reason she had been faced with such emotional strain during her pregnancy. No. He had hardly given her anything, but it showed one of the many qualities he loved about her. How she always managed to see the good in everyone. He did not want to spend this time, expressing his disagreement with her words, though he strongly felt it. "As yours saved me," he told her, never wanting her to doubt that. For he was a better man, because of her.

"Come then, let us enjoy the evening with our children. And then let me spend the night telling you, and showing you how much I love you." Following these words, he leaned forward to kiss her lips once more, unable to get enough of this incredible sensation. He forced himself to pull away, taking her hand in his as he led them to his door. Before he stopped, remembering his gift . . . and remembering his gift to Thomas. He released her hand and stepped toward the rocking horse. "I had not checked with you if it was alright to gift Thomas with what I did today," he said, knowing that his presence in their lives could be temporary . . . and did not want to leave her with something that she had to deal with, like a horse. He really was not helping keep their family a small size: he'd first encouraged her to get a puppy for Thomas, and now he'd given him a horse.

[Guinevère]

She had forgotten for a moment about his gift. His presence here had made her mind think of others things. "You never need to ask to gift Thomas or Amaren or any child of ours anything." She told him, wanting him to know she trusted him and would not ask he check with her about every detail. She liked knowing he was taking on the father role and could embrace it so wonderfully.

"Even if my heart nearly jumped when he told me of it." But she trusted Arthur to keep Thomas safe, just as she knew she could not hold him back forever. "I know as a knight he will need to know how to ride, but after his fall and them Amaren . . . " Arthur had saved them them then when the horse had jumped up. "I will not say that I wasn't worried, but . . . He was so happy." He did her heart good to see that.

"I told him I would come look at the horse in the morning." But it would be done with out Arthur, for this was his last night. She tried not to think on it, for tonight should be a happy night.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur smiled softly when she assured him that he didn't need permission to give them any gifts. While he somewhat knew that -- for he knew her well enough -- it still made him feel rather relieved to hear the word. "I know," Arthur said in a low voice, gently putting a hand on her cheek as if to comfort her from those traumatizing memories of seeing her sons in danger. "I will make sure he does not ride unsupervised." And he had spoken to Leon, Percival, Gwaine -- and of course Elyan -- to make sure that they took some time to teach him how to ride. As well as never let him go on his own, though the men already knew that much. They may be reckless with themselves sometimes -- especially Gwaine -- but when it came to protecting and caring for others, they knew exactly what to do.

Arthur truly wished he could be there to show her the horse; that they could all go for a ride together. "He still needs a name," Arthur told her, trying to focus on something apart from his inability to be there. "I think Thomas had trouble thinking of one, for it seems he wants to find the perfect name for his new companion." For a name was everything.

[Guinevère]

She was greatful that he would not be riding without someone there, but even after knowing that it did not ease a mother's worry. It would take a long time befre she would be able to see Thomas on a horse without waiting for it to knock him off. Yet she knew that she could not hold back from her fear. It would hinder her son's life, and she had to be strong for him.

"I am sure with some help he can find the perfect name." Though she knew that Thomas often picked names of people. Such as his dog named for Lancelot's father--and even called it a 'sir'. "He has been thinking all after noon, but he keep holding back. I think he knows what he wishes to name his horse, but is afraid to tell anyone." She thought it for one of a few reasons. Either the name was Arthur or another a like it--perhaps from Arthur's family--or it was going to be named for Lancelot himself. She knew that the name was already made up in Thomas' head but he would need to be the one to tell it. "I think perhaps you could get it out of him."

"He loves you dearly."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur couldn't help but smile when she spoke of how she felt that Thomas knew what name to give his new companion, yet afraid to tell it. Arthur never wanted him to feel afraid to tell them anything, though it was more her words about how he may be able to get it out of him -- and of course her words about how Thomas loved him dearly -- that made Arthur smile. "And I love him," Arthur told her, knowing he had done a poor job of showing that, and he had not said it nearly enough. Which was part of the reason he had written the letters for him.

To help convey that; to help express how much he cared about Thomas because . . . it was always during such a dangerous time that one truly realizes how short life is, and how much there is left unsaid. "I'll see if I can convince him to share the name he has in mind," Arthur told her, still feeling honored that she believed he of all people would be able to get it out of him. "Come. Shall we start Amaren's birthday celebration now?" Arthur asked, meaning . . . it was time for all of them to spend the rest of the day together, before he spent the night with the woman he loved.

[Guinevère]

"Yes, let us begin!" Their son's first birthday and they would be together for it! It made her more then euphoric just at the thought of it. Arthur had long since come to accept Thomas into his heart as well, making her family, their family and everything felt complete.

Walking into the main room, she turned to see Arthur's face at how they'd decorated. Flowers of course filled the room, but so did some fabric draped over the tables and door ways to give the room a red-gold color. There were a few fabric wrapped gifts on the table, beside some fruit and Arthur's most favorite flavor of pie. The smell filled the chambers, as did the sounds of the boys who had not yet noticed the adults enter. "Look who is here!" She called to the children, so they could come greet their father.

[Arthur Pendragon]

As Arthur entered the main room, he took noticed of everything. The decorations -- perfect with Guinevère's touch -- and he did not miss the incredible aroma, fully aware of what it was. Apple pie; his favorite. Before he could say anything about it however, he saw the children as they made their way to him. He smiled brightly bending down to lift Amaren up in his arms and toss him in the air, catching him with ease. He was getting so much bigger, and Arthur knew it was partly because he was spending far more time away from him than with. Something that he hoped he could change when -- if -- he returned from this war. Holding Amaren with one arm, Arthur put his hand on Thomas' head and ruffled his hair a bit.

"Thomas," he greeted, his tone filled with affection. Setting Amaren down he looked at the two children, unable to stop smiling whenever in their company. "I was going to save the presents for later, but I think Amaren is expecting them right now," he said teasingly toward his son, who was just looking at him with wide, curious eyes. So with that, Arthur returned to Guinevère's chamber, lifting up the large item that was wrapped in a cloth, with the other smaller gifts on the seat of the rocking horse.

[Guinevère]

When Arthur lifted Amaren, Guinevère felt her heart swell, and she could not help but to smile at her family. Her boys. The way Arthur held his son, and ruffled Thomas' hair. Everything seemed complete. When Arthur went to get the gifts, she lifted Amaren up. Thomas went around to climb up on the table, "Thomas! Get down! Stand on a chair if you need to see better!" She moved to help him in the hair.

When Arthur sat everything down on the table she looked at it all, and wished this could be something he did in a more public manner. Not hidden from his friends and family. "Here, why do you not help Amaren open them, while Thomas and I try to guess what it is!" Guinevère handed Arthur his son, her hand lingering over his as she looked up at him with so much love in this moment. So much joy. "I think I know that this one is!" Thomas was saying and even reaching for it. Guinevère turned and pulled him back. "Then do not spoil the surprise for your brother." She teased, and kissed his head.

She thought the child that she carried now was a boy, but she wished for a girl. These boys were going to take over, she thought with amusment.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur smiled as Amaren began yanking the wrapping, though not enough to pull it off to reveal the present under it. This all felt so wonderful. How could any man find the strength to leave his family? Never had Arthur known what that was like, until now. And while he always respected his knights, he had a much greater understanding, respect, and empathy for those who had a family. It was such a wonderful thing, yet so painful when duty tore them apart. He did not want to think of such things right now. For tonight, they were celebrating Amaren's birthday. "Why don't you help your brother open it?" Arthur suggested, since Amaren wasn't making very good progress, and it would help get Thomas involved in the actual unwrapping.

They were both his sons. One of blood, one of heart. One day, he would marry Guinevère and make everything right. Make everything as it should have been years ago. Ignoring his heart had cost the lives of so many, most recently Elena. He should have known to always trust it; trust his heart over his mind. For they could have been happy. Elena would be alive, and she could have been happy. Instead he had filled so many lives with so much heartache. Even if Guinevère could forgive him, he would not forgive himself for what he caused these amazing women to endure. Needing to distract his mind he smiled, giving Thomas a playful nudge. "I think your brother needs all the help he can get," Arthur teased, his head motioning toward the present.

[Guinevère]

Yes, these boys were taking over! Guinevère let Thomas so as he moved forward--over the table--to sit before Amaren and help pull the paper off the first gift. Resting her hand over her swollen belly, Guinevère just watched as the three of them focused in on the gifts. ”I knew it!” Thomas exclaimed and when that, a laughing Guinevère moved around the table to stand near the edge and get a better view.

Tonight was so perfect! The feeling of joy in the room was higher than any she had felt for so long! Everyone was getting along, there was no darkness that clouded their words. While she knew the real world, and the war, were just outside the door and any moment someone could come knocking to ruin their night--for these moments nothing else mattered! Amaren was laughing and clapping his hands at the gift, Thomas was proud he guessed it and . . . and Arthur. Spending the first of many birthdays with his son. The look on Arthur’s face made everything worth it, made everything so complete and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him soundly right before both boys in the room. Instead she settled for kissing Amaren’s cheek and reaching her hand up to rest on Arthur’s arm, giving him a loving squeeze. “It’s a perfect gift!”

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur just continued to smile, as it seemed impossible to stop. How could he? Everything felt so very perfect. He was with the woman he loved, and their three children -- one of which had not yet graced this world with their presence. Everything felt wonderful, and Arthur so desperately wished that there was a way to ensure this night never ended. He looked at Guinevère as she gently squeezed his arm. Seeing her smile and so happy, as were the children, were the memories he would take with him tomorrow when he returned to the battlefield. This was how he wanted to remember everything. These were the images that would give him the strength he needed and the motivation to return home. Though at the same time, knowing what awaited him, made it that much harder to leave. "Come, let's test it out," Arthur said as he walked past Guinevère, letting his hand slide over her back as he did so.

Arthur had gifted Amaren with a few things. One of which was a small toy made of wool and fabric, in the shape of a dragon and was red and gold in color. It was to symbolize the Pendragon name. Even if Arthur could never publicly claim him as his own, Amaren would always have something to represent his father. But the gift that he and Thomas he unwrapped, was a rocking horse. Earlier he had given Thomas a real horse, and with Amaren being so young, he wanted him to have something similar enough, but age appropriate. Arthur walked over to Amaren and lifted him up on the wooden horse. Helping him get seated, and keeping one hand on him, he used his other to gently rock the horse back and forth. Amaren squeeled with laughter and joy, and seeing how much enjoyment he was getting from this gift . . . filled Arthur with a strong joy as well. Knowing, that he could make his son happy. That he could make Thomas happy. That he could make Guinevère happy. As few times as he succeeded, right now, they were all together, and they were all smiling.

[Guinevère]

Tonight was the best night she had had since Arthur and her began this relationship. While many others were good, and some so startling perfect that she wouldn't change a thing--this night they were a family. This night father and son bonded before the fire. This night she sat near by and laughed at their joy, more then content to simply watch everyone play. Amaren would laugh, and Arthur looked to proud and please at the sound, while Thomas tried to instruct his brother on how to sit on a horse, eager to soak up Arthur's attention too. When Arthur would look at her she knew that her face had the biggest smile she had wore months if not longer. Because they were a family, even if only for a night. The most perfect of nights.

It took longer then even Guinevère expected for Thomas and even Amaren to grow tired. Thomas fell first, laying on the rug and closing his eyes well into the night. Amaren stayed and played longer, which surprised his mother. "You have him too excited. He will never sleep." They could always take him to bed with them, or she could see if Arthur could tell him a story in a calm voice to lull him to rest. Either way, Arthur would need to move Thomas. He was too heavy for this mother now.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur couldn't help but lightly chuckle when Guinevère told him that he had gotten Amaren too excited to sleep. "He is rather hyper, isn't he," Arthur agreed. He may not spend as much time with him as he would have liked, but he knew his son well enough to know that he was rather energetic for this hour of night. "I'll get him to sleep," Arthur told her, not wanting her to worry, for she too needed as much rest as she could get. Carrying another child, and taking care of two more . . . well, it made him all the more desperate to be here with her. He knew she wasn't alone. He had made sure of it by asking a few of the knights she was close with to stay behind. But still. There was not greater comfort, than being able to be with her himself.

"Best get Thomas into bed first," he said in a quiet voice. He carefully lifted the boy into his arms, not wanting to wake him from his sleep.Freeing one hand for a moment, he pulled back the covers and lay Thomas on the bed, then pulling the covers over him. Amaren squeeled as he normally did, but didn't want him to wake his brother. Arthur raised his index finger to his lips, quietly speaking. "Shh. We can't wake your brother," he told him in a soft whisper. Making sure Thomas was covered with the blanket and comfortable, Arthur watched him for a moment, leaning down and gently kissing his forehead. "Good night my son," he whispered. He then turned to Amaren, scooping him up in his arms and carrying him to his own bed. He tucked him in, knowing this would not be the last time he saw him tonight, but he also needed a moment to speak with Guinevère and did not wish to wake Amaren while doing so, nor did Arthur want to disturb her should he lack sleep tonight.

Amaren was grinning up at him, clearly not ready for bed. Arthur pulled a chair next to his bed and sat down, beginning to slowly stroke his forehead. "I suppose you need a bedtime story?" he said teasingly toward his son. Amaren replied in the way he often did. Arthur smiled as his mind began to think of one. Not one that would excite Amaren, but one that would help him sleep. "There is much that exists in this world Amaren," he began to say. If fate cruelly decided that tonight was the last night Arthur would have with his son, then he could only pray that somehow, Amaren remembered his father's voice when he was older. "Trolls, goblins, cockatrices," he paused, thinking of how each creature had its own story. "But among the dark, there is also the beautiful. Love, Guardian angels, and even unicorns." Amaren made another sound of delight, and Arthur transformed his expression to one of surprise -- as if that was why Amaren had made such a sound. Of course Arthur's expression was exaggerated and overly emotive.

"I know, it is difficult to believe. They say that when a unicorn is killed, a horrible curse befalls the kingdom. And that the only way to break it, is for the man who killed the creature, proves himself to be pure of heart." Arthur gave Amaren a playfully suspicious look. "You don't believe me do you?" Amaren laughed. "Well then, let me convince you otherwise." Arthur the told the tale of a hunter who had slain a unicorn. Of course he was speaking from personal experience, but there was no need to be specific as to who it was. A third person narrative worked just fine for the sake of a bedtime story. As Arthur went on, Amaren's hyperness was slowly leaving his body, and relaxing. Soon, his eyes did the same as they fought to stay open, but kept closing. His blinks became longer and drawn out, until they closed for a long period of time and his breathing steadied. He was asleep.

Arthur spoke a little long to make sure Amaren stayed resting, not wanting to abruptly stop in case the boy wasn't fully in a deep slumber. Plus, it gave him that extra time to just watch him. For nothing granted greater solace than watching a child sleeping so peacefully. Arthur leaned forward and kissed Amaren in the cheek, before taking the small dragon toy and placing it beside the sleeping child. "Sleep well, my son." After finally, he forced himself to step away from Amaren, though kept his gaze toward him until he reached the door. With the children asleep, now it was just Guinevère and himself.