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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2010 0:09:50 GMT -5
Lancelot ..... Sir Lancelot ...... had been sent on a errand in the south by the Earl of Huntingdon. He had finished his task early, collecting a debt from a nearby noble. He had been so close to Camelot, and had felt the pull of memories from the the place, that he didn't see the harm in paying a little visit. His knightly attire was completely covered by his brownish-green traveling cloak, and with his hood up, as he walked his Arabian, Sherefore, through the market, he knew he would not be recognized.
Lancelot heard to arguing men just ahead, and immediately put his hand on short-sword in his belt, just in case it was needed. the quarters in the market were to close with too many people to use his long-swords effectively. The other advantage was that he could strike quickly, relatively unnoticed if he needed to. His attention, though, was drawn to a young woman who was squeezing her way through the crowd toward some stalls where they were apparently selling different types of fruit.
The girl looked familiar, especially in the way that she moved and walked. could he be Gwen he wondered? No .... the chances weighed heavily against it. He had not seen her since he had left the camp after she had been rescued from Hengest. He had told Merlin that he did not want to get between her and Arthur, no matter how he actually felt. After all, he was the Crowned Prince of Camelot, and it almost seemed the worst type of betrayal to take Gwen from him. It had been difficult, but he had not let himself look back .... until now.
He watched her make her purchase, staying a safe distance behind, ten or fifteen feet, and once she was done and she left, he followed at discreet distance as well. ]What harm could it do? He watched her smile at each passer-by, sometimes giving them a cheerful hello. It was becoming clear to him that following her was dangerous ..... he was likely to all for her all over again, and that simply would not do. But then something happened. She turned part-way and stopped to sit down on a bench. It was almost as if he heard someone else's voice, and not his own, something he could not control ........ he heard himself say ....."Gwen?", and he stopped his horse right beside her.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 19, 2010 0:21:44 GMT -5
Gwen has just purchased some fabric so she could mend one of her more worn dresses. It was her favorite or she would not try to hard. With this pretty fabric she could give a new look to an old dress. Waste not, want not. She was walking home, and greeting her neighbors as she went along, thinking of how she would fix her dress and when she could wear it next. Perhaps she could wear it when she went to visit her father's resting place in a few days. She liked to think it have him please when she got dressed up to go visit him.
She stopped at a bench out side of the old blacksmith's shop and thought about sitting here for a moment, to think of the memories she used to have here. She might have, and gotten lost in her own mind had she not heard her name being called. She knew the voice, and her heart did a little jump as she turned look at the hooded man.
The shock (and pleasure) had to be shown on her face. She wanted to run to him and laugh but only stayed were she was by will power. Walking the few steps over closer to him, she looked up into his almost hidden face. "Your here." That didn't quite sound right, "I mean, of course your here." Not quite right either, "You shouldn't be here," and that unwelcoming, "But I am glad you are."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2010 6:57:50 GMT -5
“Yes, it is me,” he laughed slightly, “At least I think so.” Lancelot pushed the hood on his cloak back so that she could see that it was him. He could hear her quickly draw in air as she gasped in surprise. He knew that he had not shaved or combed through his hair in several days, since he had been on the road traveling. "I know that I must be a ghastly sight. Yes .... it is most definitely me. I'm now Sir Lancelot. Its just that I'm a knight for the Earl of Huntingdon, and not Camelot, unfortunately." He knew that she was going to bring up the place of their last parting.
They were now extremely close to one another and he put his index and middle fingers on her lips, so that she would say no more. He was close enough so that he could deeply drink in the scent of her body, and he found his resistance to her weakening. Fortunately, after he removed his fingers she spoke one again, making a comment and asking a question, and it allowed him to focus enough to steel his resolve once more. "And why should I not be here?,” he asked somewhat mischievously. “Well, it definitely wasn't planned. I was sent on an errand by my Earl, and I was so close to Camelot I just had to take a walk through the square. I really hadn't planned on running into anyone I knew. I wouldn't think seeing either Uther or Arthur would necessarily be good right now."
“Are you glad?,” he asked. Lancelot did wonder how she and Arthur stood right now. he had left so that he would not interfere with anything that might be developing between her and the Prince. So he wondered where things stood, but it was not a question that you could just ask out of the blue. "So ...... how is Merlin and is your work in the castle with Morgana going."
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 19, 2010 18:48:07 GMT -5
When his fingers touched her lips, Gwen felt warm and safe. She reached up and let her fingers rest on his wrist, in hoped to prolong the touch but all to soon he had pulled away. Even though they were close, Gwen found her self leaning slightly in as if to get closer. She had been so worried for him, after he had left the group in the woods. She was glad he was a knight, and hopefully doing good things. In the time since she had last seen him she had feared everything from the men who kidnapped her and gotten him to any of number of things. She had believed in her heart he was out there somewhere, safe and sound rather then one of these more horrid things but it was still very good to know for sure.
At Arthur's name she leaned back slightly, seeming to recall things that Lancelot would not yet know of. She didn't know for sure were she stood int he life of either man, and it hurt. Gwen wasn't going to let down thoughts ruin her stolen moments with a dear friend however. "Yes, I am very glad. I had been worried for you, and missed your greatly." She admitted with no shame, only a slight uncertainty in her voice as she didn't know if these were words he would want to hear. "Merlin is good. I wish you could visit with him before you go, but he is in the castle and . . . " And Lancelot needed to avoid the royal family at the moment. "The Lady Morgana seems to be troubled at times, but I have faith she will work though her troubles." Gwen always had faith and hope in people.
"Do you have to leave straight away?" She asked, with that same hope in her voice, "Or can you visit with a friend for a short while?" She wanted to know if he was happy working for his Earl. She needed to know he was happy.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2010 21:12:10 GMT -5
When he first put his fingers on her lips, Lancelot thought that Gwen might retreat. Then, when she grabbed his wrist, he thought that she was about to try to pull his arm and hand and fingers away. He was quite surprised that her intent apparently was to keep it right where it was. In fact, if he didn’t know better, it almost seemed that she was trying to lean in even closer to him. What exactly was she thinking, he wondered to himself. Why were women so difficult to figure, from one moment to the next? "Well, I am sorry for sneaking up on you like this, but I had no idea how I would be received, given how I left, after your rescue."
Lancelot had meant only to silence her momentarily. However, with closeness of their bodies, and the skin of his fingers on her moist lips he could see her reaction, as she both gasped and the rest of her body visibly reacted, as she leaned in. "Why ...... had you been concerned about my safety? I will, of course, try to pop in more often in the future, if you wish it. Do you?"
He heard her last comment, but could not really believe she had set it. He then considered why he had left without saying good-bye in the first place. "Of course, I missed you as soon as I left. Uh ...um ..... as friends always do. But you have Merlin, and Morgana, and, of course Arthur." he said, looking straight into her dark eyes with his.
Lancelot could see that she was trying to calm herself by talking in detail about her other friends. "I am glad Merlin is well. Hmmmm ….. yes, the Castle ….. that pretty much puts him off-limits doesn’t it?," he said knowing of Merlin's magic and wondering who else knew. "Well, I know you have always enjoyed her company. I hope that she weathers her difficulties well, then." He knew she was not only Gwen's superior. "But what of Arthur, what of you and Arthur, my great Prince," he asked as they remained just inches away from one another. “Well, no, I suppose that I don’t have to go right away. A true knight always has time for a friend,” he said as he edged inches closer.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 19, 2010 21:37:49 GMT -5
"Well, I am sorry for sneaking up on you like this, but I had no idea how I would be received, given how I left, after your rescue." He had left her there in the woods with Merlin and Arthur with out a goodbye to giving her a chance to try to . . . to at lest say . . . . and explain . . . . Even today, with so much time between then and now, Gwen's thoughts were jumbled. She didn't know which way she was pulled in when it came to love.
When he asked if she had been concerned about his safety she glared up at him in an almost playful manor. "I was very worried for you. I wished you had not gone, or at lest had stayed longer." Given her time to see where these feelings went. Why she felt the need to be near him, and if he returned the feelings.
He spoke of missing her and she moved her hand up to rest on the outside of his upper arm. She felt warm at his words but his next ones, made her wonder if she was reading to much into them. As friends? Only friends? "Merlin is a very dear friend, almost brother like for me at times." When he spoke of Arthur her eyes dropped but only for a few seconds. It was as if she had trouble looking at him in the eyes while thinking of another man. Her hand however, tighten on the fabric over his arms, to keep him there.
"But what of Arthur, what of you and Arthur, my great Prince," Gwen thought about Arthur for a moment before looking up into his eyes. "Lancelot, Arthur is the King's son and one day he will be a great king. The best king this kingdom has ever known, I know that. But I also know, kings don't marry servant girls, and princes are not allowed to romances with the hired help." It was as blunt as she had ever been about her and Arthur. It hurt to say the words. "I can't lie to you and say I don't think about the what ifs of things being different, but we both know that one day he will find a princess." Gwen only hoped she could find some way to handle that.
“Well, no, I suppose that I don’t have to go right away. A true knight always has time for a friend,” She smiled then and leaned her hand down, so her forehead rested on his chest. "You could stay for supper. I have the night off, and you should rest from your travels." She thought of being alone with Lancelot, alone in her home. She refused to allow the three days Arthur had lived there to enter her mind.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2010 22:14:20 GMT -5
Sir Lancelot was not sure that bringing up the subject was a good idea on his part, or their part. however, he didn't feel that their talk could go on without recognizing it. now that the topic had been breeched he was not sure that she wasn't holding something back. "Yes..... yes the important thing was that you were saved. As I said, I would have died a hundred times to save you. I would not allow the world to be robbed of your presence." He noted that she was having trouble maintaining eye contact with him, although he was not having the same difficulty with her, and he edged an inch or so closer to her.
“Worried …….. you wished I had not gone? But what else could I do but go. I asked Merlin directly if Arthur had feelings for you. He could not reply, but I knew by the look in his eyes that there he did. I could not stand between my Prince and you. It would have felt like a betrayal ….. and it would have destroyed me in the end.” He smiled at the thought of Merlin as her brother. He also felt her hand tighten on his arm, as if she was afraid he would run off. She did have a strong grip, he thought. He reflexively brushed her cheek with his hand, waiting to see what her reaction would be. Had she given up all thoughts of him ..... he was curious. Part of him wished she would push him away, while a part of him wished for the opposite, without knowing a thing about Arthur.
“Yes ….. Arthur is Uther’s son and one day he will be a great king, just as he is becoming a great Prince. I don’t think you should make assumptions about what he can and can’t do. As far as I can tell, now, he has found a great Princess,” he said as he looked into her eyes, wondering exactly where this wall leading. The question is whether both he and you will be unable to see what will be obvious to everyone else, including Uther at some point.”
Lancelot was a bit surprised at her response about Arthur, and he edged ever closer, fully taking in the scent of her aroma. It was almost overpowering. "Gwen, it is hard to believe that you have given up so easily on him. Is that a decision that he has made, or you have made, or the both of you have come to. After all, the two of you were meant for one another, were you not," and he closed his eyes, his last sentence almost literally painful to say at this close range.
“Supper sounds like an excellent idea, and yes I am quite tired, and I really have no wish to bed down on the forest floor, again.” He was surprised how comfortable her head on his chest felt, and he was not sure that this was something that he should tempt himself with, but he could not resist the opportunity.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 19, 2010 22:46:28 GMT -5
It was not that she had given up on Arthur; as she could never fully let her self do it. It was simply she was bracing before the fall. How many girls dreamed of growing up and becoming queen? Many. How many would be let down? All but one. What made her so special? What made her different? Nothing. Her and Arthur would end one of two ways. Him marrying his princess and breaking her heart, or them waiting until Uther was no longer king, and her and Arthur were old and grey.
She wished it was different. She was afraid to wish, but she did at times. If Uther would not let Arthur go save a servant, one could only imagine the wrath when Arthur even thought about marrying one.
When Lancelot's hand touched her face, she turned her face into it, and even reached her hand up to cover his, hoping to keep it there. "It's not a matter of seeing, Lancelot, it's a matter of what can and what can't be." She looked up at him, keeping his hand to her. "Could you imagine the other noble's reactions if Arthur did show affection for me? I am but a servant. A blacksmith's daughter. He would lose all respect from them, and it would hinder his standing." Everything Arthur was building now, would be ruined. Other kings would see him as weak, and the nobles would laugh. He would lose respect, and if they thought it enough, it might cause trouble between him and other kingdoms. Arthur wasn't the type to stand aside and let his wife be insulted either. "Besides, it takes two people to . . . . . to be together, and Arthur agrees this is for the best." Didn't he?
Lancelot was being honest with her, and she could hear that some things were hard for him to say. She reached up and touched his face for a moment, before dropping it to his chest. "Besides, even if things were different, I am not sure it would be fair to Arthur. To try to brave it all to be by his side when every day my thoughts go back to you." She admitted, "I feel like I am betraying you both at times, but I can't help but to think about you when your not here, and I can't help but to feel what I feel for you both."
Gwen glanced to the side for a moment and seemed to recall where they were. They were drawing attention as such, her and him standing so close their bodies touched in places by now, and their hands all but roaming over each others faces. She looked back at him and took his hand in hers. "Come, let me make you something to eat, and get your some cool water. We can talk more indoors."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2010 19:05:03 GMT -5
Lancelot could tell that she was quite deep in thought. But about what? Surely it could not be about Arthur and himself, could it? Surely she had resolved that long ago now, when he had left her to Prince Arthur. From what she had said so far, it seemed that she still questioned how a noble could take in a peasant. Surely though, if they each wanted each other strongly enough, their love would be enough to overcome any obstacle.
As he edged closer to her he could not help but notice the reaction in her face, as he thought he saw her suddenly look down .... even with her dark complexion it was easy to see. She then spoke, and she tried to state, as best as she could, why Arthur and her could not be. “Hmmmm ….. as far as I knew, even where a monarch is concerned, a marriage is between two people, not everyone else in the kingdom. I think that Arthur and his loyal nobles would make short work of such people. I am quite sure I know how King Uther would react to such naysayers. I think, actually, it would be more threatening to his leadership, if he were allowed to be cowed in such a manner. And I know Arthur is not one to be challenged lightly. Oh, so you have talked to him about this …. And he has agreed, mademoiselle …. Gwen ….. hmmmm?”
Given the act that he did not want to cross swords with Arthur, Lancelot did not want to force himself or the issue. He had thought that he had seen a reaction, a reaction of more than just friendship, when his hand had brushed her cheek, though. Could he have been mistaken? She had not pushed him away though, had she? He thought he saw her eyes close when he had done it. Was she trying to not take a step that she might regret, he wondered. It almost seemed like she had liked it, but no ..... it was forcing her to make a choice, and he could not force her. What he had decided was best when they had rescued her was just as valid today. She belonged with Arthur, and he would just have to accept that, and he nodded to himself, clenching his teeth.
He saw her suddenly look down and away at his words about Prince Arthur. "Oh Gwen, there is nothing that is so final in reality that it can never happen. Situations change .... people change. I'm afraid Arthur is always trying to prove his worth to himself and to his father. When men are doing that, sometimes they don't see the value of even what is right in front of them, until its gone. I don't expect him to make that mistake for long. He's too smart and too good. We must all have our dreams ..... even I have them. I'm sure that yours are good ones and I hope the best or them, milady," he said, nodding once more.
“Truthfully, I was lost from the world long ago, but I still have my knightly duties. And if you are ever in harm's way, being important and loved by Arthur, I will quite readily lay down my lie in defense of you and the Pendragons, even though I no longer be a Knight of Camelot, I am still a knight elsewhere."
He could see that she was still struggling mightily with some internal conflict. For the life of him he could not see what could make a decision between himself and Arthur so difficult. It was obvious to him who she should choose, not matter how much it her pained him to his core. It was the reason that he had resisted ever coming back to Camelot. Plus, of course, his dream had always been to serve Camelot alongside Arthur. How could he stand between him and Gwen and forgive himself? “Why would your thoughts come back to me ….. when Arthur is so close ….. I don’t understand. You cannot betray either of us, but you could betray yourself, unless you let him know how you really feel …. about him.”
Lancelot saw her looking about the street around them, wondering what she was about to say, when she surprised him by taking his hand. He found her request to be a reasonable one, but he felt a little uneasy. “Yes, that sounds to be good. I could use something to eat and drink. Come Sher-Fore.”
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 20, 2010 22:02:55 GMT -5
Gwen wanted to answer all his questions but the more she talked with him the more she felt her self pulled in two directions. One by the hope he brought for her and Arthur with his words, and the other by how felt while he held her. How could one love to men so much at the same time? When she had first meet Lancelot he had been kind and her heart free. She had felt then, the subtle stiring of feelings but did not know what would become of them. Then when she saw him again, and they were on that awful place, she begin to truly see what could have been between them. She had not lived in heart break since being away from him but she had thought about him some everyday. Why was everything so complicated?
"Come then," She gave a gentle pull on his hand, and started walking to her home. She they walked she held onto his hand. She knew she should not, but could not make her self let go. She thought over his words, and how he had promise to lay his life down for Arthur's love, she wondered if she was mistaking this for being more then it was. She knew he felt for her, could tell that by how he looked at her, and touched her but what it was not how she saw it?
She made sure to keep her voice down as they walked, "You said even you have them." She spoke of him talking about how even he had dreams. "Will you tell me some of yours?" She wondered what he dreamed of, and who. Was his grand knightly adventures? Lancelot had always seemed so sure of him self and what he wanted, even when he was doubting in things. It was hard to think of anything he would only have to dream about. Besides being a Camelot knight. Once Arthur was king he could change things. It seemed everyone was just waiting for Arthur to become King so they could find out if their dreams would come true.
It also made her wonder. Once Arthur did become king, and if he made Lancelot a real knight of Camelot, then where would that leave her? If Arthur did admit his feelings to the world by marriage, then she would be seeing Lancelot everyday while belonging to another man. If Arthur didn't, then would she grow closer to Lancelot? Everything seemed so confusing in that moment, but she did realize one thing. When she thought about this . . . . . this place she was in she usually thought of Arthur first.
She had very strong feelings for Arthur, so was it fair to Lancelot to display her feelings for him openly? Arthur had said no one would understand them together, and had not shown signs of changing his mind since then. He had come to save her, and she knew he felt very strongly for her, but did she wait for him to become brave, or for Uther to die? She knew she would but what if in that time frame, he married another?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2010 6:07:31 GMT -5
Lancelot understood that they had been stopped at the same place in the street for some time, and that they might be drawing some unwanted attention, or that someone who they both knew might run across them, and start asking questions. So he knew it was best that they move indoors somewhere, and a meal and some drink sounded good. However, he still was at a loss to understand what would be so difficult about choosing Arthur over anyone else, including himself. And yet, he could see by her expressions that she was indeed in a quandary. But why?
As these thoughts ran through his mind, she began to tug him on one arm, as he pulled on the reins of his stallion to follow, "Come Sher-Fore!" He noticed, the farther that they walked that she was not merely holding to his hand to pull him along, but as they walked, to hold it softly but firmly, as if she was not planning on letting it go. What was that all about, he wondered.
And then she began asking about dreams, his dreams, as they walked. This was pretty personal stuff, he thought, as he walked. Nobody had ever asked him about his dreams. Nobody had ever cared about such things, or him, before. "Well ..... of course everyone has dreams. At one time I dreamed of having my own carpentry shop. Then I dreamed of wreaking vengeance on those who had destroyed my village and then my life. Then I heard of the Knights of Camelot and dreamed of serving besides the great Arthur, as you know. Then I dreamed of what it would be like to end it all, in a great battle .... somewhere. And then I had a short dream of being with ..... someone. But it turned out to be a false dream. Oh, I have met many women, women with dreams of their own, but they dreamed of a perfect knight, an image, not me."
Why exactly had she asked this? Why did she want to know about his dreams? She should be concerned about Arthur's dreams, shouldn't she? She was an inspiration to Lancelot, of course, but she was to be Arthur's lady at some point. Lancelot did not believe that she was attainable, not, at least, while Arthur desired and loved her.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 21, 2010 11:22:46 GMT -5
Guinevère walked in silence taking his his words. When he spoke of dreaming of being someone, and it being a false dream she held her breath for a moment, wondering if he was referring to her. She also was troubled over this dream of ending it all in some great battle. Combined with his words of offering his life to save her's she wonder if he thought about death to often. Was willing to give his life to readily. "Your wrong, Lancelot." She spoke softly, both to make sure she could not be over heard and because it was hard to say.
"I think you are exactly the knight the woman would want. You have the most honorable man I have ever meet." She told him, "My father was the blacksmith of Camelot before---" Uther had him killed; "--A-and he would speak of the knights he made weapons for. Some he would say had the heart of a loin, or was the most courageous. But then he spoke of being honorable, he made it seem the most important. I think out of all the knights in Camelot, you are the best one. Because wither the King recognized you as one or not; the people who count know you are." She was sure, Arthur would be among that grouping. Surely when he was king, things would change.
She stopped walking for a moment, even though her home was in sight, and not far so she could look up into his eyes. "I am about to ask you to promise me something, Lancelot, that I have no right to ask of you." Everything was complicated with them, and the fact that it was with matters of the heart and honor in a time when honor was all some men had, made it all the more troubling. "You speak of dieing in a great battle, and using your life to save others. I do not wish to hear stories of your noble death. Promise that you will always try to be safe, and if possible try to live, not jump at the chance to give your life away so easily." She wanted to ask him not to even risk his life, but knew that she could no more ask that of him, then she could of Arthur or any knight.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2010 9:44:49 GMT -5
Lancelot knew the way to Gwen's home quite well. He still remembered the way from his first days in Camelot. He guided his horse, Sher-Fore with one hand, while she was clinging to his other with her hand, leading him on. He had told her of his dreams, at least some of them, but only because she had asked. She, of course, had figured prominently in them. Partly because of that he had not mentioned her by name, and had tried to not look her in the eyes when he was stating them, afeared of giving himself away.
The last thing that he wanted to give her was some feeling of guilt over an un-realized dream or one that he had given up on. he fact-of-the matter was that before her his only dream had been to become a knight so he could defend those who could not help themselves, so that what befell his village would never happen again. Also, he did not want to feel defenseless if such a threat over arose again. She suddenly spoke back, and it was not exactly what he had expected from her. "I'm wrong? How so?"
She then answered his question, but not in the way he expected, especially since he had never looked at himself in such a way. As they walked, and he heard her say her words, Lancelot felt the color rush to his cheeks. "Surely Gwen you must be joking. Me ..... honorable .... more honorable than the next knight in line? I doubt if Uther would say such of a man who had broke the Code, pretending to be a noble when he was not one. I doubt whether he and others would look on that as the stuff of honor and a Knight of Camelot. Hmmm ..... your father sounds as if he was a shrewd judge of men. You speak of him in the pasty tense .... is he not well?," he asked, fearing the answer.
Not only did she think that he was honorable, but the best knight of Camelot as well? "The best? But by what measure do you judge me to be that. There are men with years of experience, and list of acts of honor, done in defense of Camelot and Pendragon, who are Knights of Camelot. How could I be placed above them," he said as he shook his head negatively. "You grant me more credit than I deserve or have earned. Who are these people that count? Surely Arthur would not grade me as such, would he? I know that he stood up to his father on my account, but he has his own reasons not to want me here, I would think."
Suddenly she came to a stop, so he brought Sher-fore to a stop as well. She turned to look at him, and he sensed that some kind of question or important statement was coming. She looked at him straight in the eyes, and to him, it seemed that she was looking deeper. He could hardly resist her when she looked into him like this. He had barely been able to disengage when she had asked him not to go out and face the Griffin those long months ago to protect Arthur, but somehow he had, and with Merlin's help had returned unscathed.
"If you have no right to ask me then why are you doing it. Still, Gwen, you know there is little that you could ask of me, other than forsaking my knightly duties, that I would not grant you." He listened to her, slowly nodding his head. "Yes, that has been one of my dreams. Since I have lived my life alone, I would prefer, I would dream of sacrificing my life for a worthy purpose, in battle. Is there more that a knight could ask for?" He then listened to her request.
"What you ask for may sound simple, ma cherie, but in reality is so difficult. Of course, I will always try to live, if I can, to fight and defend another day. However, if I can save Arthur, or the kingdom, or a set of villages that may be about to perish, I will sacrifice myself. It would be my duty. To not do that would not be me. Besides, I am alone in the world, and my passing would not have great meaning. Why do you ask such a thing? Would you ask it of Arthur?"
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 22, 2010 12:42:12 GMT -5
When he asked about her father, Gwen felt her heartbreak at the memories of the loss. She missed her father so much. His kindness, and the company. She lived alone now, and every night she was there alone was another reminder of his . . . . death. "My father is not well." She replied, dropped her face from looking at him. "My father is dead." The last time Lancelot had come to Camelot, her father had been alive and so full of life.
"I am not joking. Uther is a poor judge of character, and I meant every word I spoke. Arthur is a very fair man, he would not judge your skills any lesser because of me, and how I feel about---." About them both. Her voice was still full of emotion from thoughts of her father, and her voice shook slightly as she keep speaking.
When he spoke of living alone, and having no one to live for, Gwen knew her heart had to be breaking all the more for she could not give him that reason. She wanted to, and wished she could. She knew how she felt about him, and that made not being able to offer the words he deserved to hear so much harder. Lancelot was a good, good man and he deserved so much better then her, and what this was doing to them all. She stepped closer to him, and once again placed her forehead on his chest, but this time it was to hide her face. She didn't want him to see any of the emotions that were coursing though her displayed there. "No, I would not ask this of him, because he dose not seemed determined to find a grand battle to go out in. He fights to live. Everyday, he fights to live." It did not make her any less frighted of Arthur death. "And that is why I worry for you, more then I worry for him. I do not want you to die, and I fear that is what you openly are seeking out."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2010 23:18:34 GMT -5
Lancelot thought that the way she was talking about her father was quite strange. However, he was not prepared for the news of his death, especially not like this. He was immediately sorry that he had brought up this topic, since undoubtedly it just made her re-live her sadness and mourning. "I am so sorry ..... I'm afraid that I purposely tried to keep myself from any news of Camelot .... since I thought it would only encourage me to return. I am so sorry ..... of course you have my most sincere condolences," he said looking down at the ground, at a loss for the proper words to say.
She had changed the subject as quickly as she could, but it did not move to necessarily a better subject. "Forgive me if it seemed that I said that you were joking. It was not my intent, mademoiselle. However, it is not up to me to judge the King. Although I might have reason enough, he is the king, and as I was once a Knight of Camelot, sworn to the defense of Camelot and the Pendragons, I will not speak against. However, I will not argue with you about the strengths of Arthur, which should be evident to anyone who is a careful observer of him. Feel about .... feel about what?"
He could tell, when he was telling her the solitary nature of his life, that it affected her .... greatly. However, he knew from past experiences that she was not one to talk of such things openly, or at least not easily. She was one, he thought, who could or would not speak of feelings and emotions easily, but might show them in her actions. Still, even though he had given her up to Prince Arthur, he did wonder exactly how she felt about him. He noticed , though, that she came as close as she could to him, even laying her head on his chest, but it was what she said that had such resonance.
"Yes, and it must be like that. He is the Prince, and will be King. He must come back, so that Camelot will have his fair leadership to guide her. I ..... Sir Lancelot ..... on the other hand, am just a tool, an instrument, to make sure his authority is protected and carried through. It is not that I seek out death, I don't think, but I must be fearless to be a successful knight. It is where death is found, at the front of the battle, where my skills can be put to the most use by Arthur. You see, I have very little, except for my skills and my honor. Arthur has so much more, and I must risk all for him, and for your protection, for example."
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 27, 2010 16:31:48 GMT -5
Gwen didn't really want to speak of her father but she didn't want to seem short with him. When he gave her his condolences, she bit her lip to keep from looking like she might cry from the memories. Time would make those days easier to think on, (she hoped) but it had not even been a year. It was still to knew. Besides, Lancelot and her had just been talking about Uther's judgment of character. "The king said my father was harboring a sorcerer. He was going to have my father beh--beheaded. For some reason, my father tired to escape. During the attempt the king's men caught up with him and----" Gwen could never understand why (and how) her father began his escape attempt. It had never fit in with the kind and gentle father she had grown to know and love. It had not been the first time her family had been accused of magic. She her self had been arrested by Arthur and tossed at the king's unforgiving feet. He had declared she die by fire.
Gwen tired to make the replies flow and not seem as if she was avoiding answering his question of what she felt about who (not what). She didn't want to dive into that topic again while standing on the street where anyone could pass them by. Especially Arthur or his men. While his men shouldn't recognize Lancelot as such, Arthur might wonder who she was speaking with. She didn't want to raise questions she would not know how to answer.
Gwen waited while he spoke of being a tool for the king, and an instrument of Camelot and she wished she knew how to change his mind. Wished she could give him a reason to wish every day was a blessing and fight for life. If she could do that she might worry less for him when he was away. She wanted to beg him, plead with him to see life as worth more then the act of dieing for some cause. "We should go indoors." She said after a moment of silence. Tonight her goal would be to find someway to give him a reason to live with out hurting him further. She just did not know how.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2010 6:39:14 GMT -5
Lancelot noticed her great reticence to speak about her father and the nature of his passing. He assumed that it had all taken place in the last year, so that the emotions and pain were still fresh .... much too fresh he imagined. He thought that it might be best for them to back off of the subject, but he would not stop her if that was what she wanted to do. However, he could see the wetness coming to to the corners of both of her eyes. Uther ... it always came back to him, didn't it. "I'm afraid the King sees sorcery hiding beneath every rock, real or imagined," he said shaking his head. "Yes, trying to escape, whether actually guilty or not, is almost like a confession, at least in some eyes. It was indeed a curious move to make, unless, of course, he had given up hope, and saw no other option." Once they caught him, Lancelot was sure what there instructions would have been. He could not imagine the heartbreak that she must have gone through.
As she continued to speak he got the distinct impression that she was avoiding his question. She had begun to speak about her feelings about someone or something, and then she had pulled up short. He wondered for a moment if he should press her on it. However, if she wanted to talk to him about it, she would tell him. If not, as a friend he should just let it go, he decided. He did notice, though, that she had picked up her walking pace. He thought that, perhaps, she wanted to get off the street. He wasn't a person that she would want to be seen with, especially by certain parties, he reasoned. So her hurried his pace along with her.
His suspicions were soon confirmed as the next words she spoke was to encourage him to move indoors, and he nodded his head in silent affirmation. He decided that someone might be able to identify him by his voice, which would bring their meeting to an abrupt end, so he said nothing. He hoped that the protection ..... relative protection ..... of being inside, might allow her to speak more freely, perhaps even about the unanswered question that he had asked earlier. Within a few moments they had arrived at her home, she had opened the door, and after tying his horse around back, he had entered, following her.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 28, 2010 11:21:39 GMT -5
She knew his words to be true, had she not thought the same way a few times? It had made her fear at first that her father was guilty, but then she had dismissed the thought. She would not doubt in her father's last actions. He had done what he thought best, and she would have to be the one to live with the mystery surrounding it. Perhaps one day she would under stand but that day was long in coming. She recalled when it had been her in the king's cells awaiting death for witchcraft. It had been horrid and she had lost hope. Merlin had saved her by discovering what had really happened and Morgana had gotten Arthur to kill it. They had saved her and Gwen had hoped she could save her father. She'd failed.
When Gwen opened her door and walked in, she turned to wait for Lancelot to come in before shutting it. It had been a while since she had, had a guest over for the evening meal, and it did her heart good to have him here for a meal. It also made her feel better that he was not out there walking around where some knight would recognize him. (If they could), and get him arrested. Arthur might be a fair man, but when it came to the king one never knew how he might react.
Once she had the door shut tight, she went to the windows pulled the cloth over them so no passerby would look in and see him. She wanted him safe, not caught because he let his guard down in her home. "There, now we can speak freely with out fear of being over heard or someone seeing you and knowing who you are." While the king had let Lancelot leave Camelot on his own free will last time, no one knew if he would do so again, so it was safer for him to remain unseen.
Gwen unbuttoned her cloak and hug it on the peg by the door, before she walked over to the bucket of water on the table and dipping a glass in it. "You should rest some, you must be tired from your travels." She sat the glass on the table for him. She stood there for a moment watching him before lowering her face to hide whatever might be shown there. It had not been so long ago that he came here needed her help in becoming a knight. Everything had been simpler then and Gwen wondered how things would have turned out had Lancelot been allowed to stay.
Would things still be this conflicted? Would they be worse or would things never had taken a turn as they did? She did not know, and she knew she would go mad if she thought to much about it. There was only one thing she knew for sure right now and that was, "I am very glad you spoke to me, and agreed to come here for a visit. I wish you didn't have to hide while you were here."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2010 20:01:02 GMT -5
Lancelot knew that she felt badly about her father, as he did, after finding out about it at this late date. There was nothing that could be done about it, of course. He doubted, personally, if what he had been charged with, had been true. Running away had just made him look guilty. Perhaps there was something else he was trying to hide, something that did not deal with sorcery, per se, but was something that he might be paid a tidy some. It must have been something big, for him to have risked so much, he thought. For him to have raised Gwen to be the model citizen and servant that she was, he couldn't have been mixed up in anything dark and evil. However, with Uther, he knew, it only took a whiff of suspicion. And if one didn't have any power or authority or standing, you could get chewed up right quick, if you didn't have anyone to stand up for you. He had some experience in that area.
He was glad to have somewhere to go. He had been on the road many days, on his errand for the Earl, and had to be satisfied with a bed on the forest floor and a cold meal on most days. So, he was more than happy to go through Gwen's open door. he knew it was not absolutely safe and secure in her home. It was always possible that some guards could be tipped off of his presence and Uther issue some orders for his arrest, but he was likely to be as safe here as anywhere.
It was even more comforting when he heard the door shut behind him and he knew that they were the only 2 people in her small place. He smiled slightly as he stood there and watched her seal off the various window opening where some passers-by could have looked in and seen the company that she had. She then basically repeated the thoughts that had already passed through his head. "Yes, I expect that there is nothing else that we can do to hide my presence her in Camelot than you have just done. Thank you for the concern and effort, milady Gwen." Perhaps Uther has forgotten all about me by now, as well as perhaps his son undoubtedly has.
Lancelot watched as she took off her cloak and hung it up, so he removed his weather-beaten brownish-green traveling cloak, and folded it up, revealing the colors of the Earl that he had most recently served in Wessex. He picked up the glass that she offered and took a long drink of the cool water. "Yes, it has been a long and hard week of traveling, and I could use some rest, but this this is not a location where my nerves are likely to be too calm. However, some of my best memories are of this room in this place. For the most part they are comforting memories. I cannot say that of too many places that I visit, to be sure," he said with the faintest of smiles.
Lancelot remembered what he wished that could have been, as a Knight of Camelot. he must have had the position all of 12 hours, before Uther had had him thrown in the dungeons. Arthur had released him, of course, but the damage had been done. "To be truthful, Gwen, I was not confident that coming here and speaking to you was the right thing to do. It is likely that, as long as Uther lives, I will have to hide whenever I might visit Camelot. I considered, actually, since you belong with Arthur, that I stay away so that I might recede into a distant memory. I'm sure Arthur feels that way, and I could not blame him for such thoughts and desires," he said as he sat down, his long-swords in sheaths down his back.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 28, 2010 22:45:22 GMT -5
"Your welcome, I did not want to be the cause of you going back into Uther's cells. After being in them, and being in. . . . the others . . . I would not wish being locked up on anyone. Especially you." She was thinking of when she had been kidnapped and forced to pretend to be Morgana. "I hope you will feel safe enough to relax here." When he told of her his fondest memories, she assumed he meant only of her, not in the larger scale of his whole life. "Everything was so simple then. Easy. I wish it was so again. I love the beginnings of new friendships, and I often wonder what might have been, had the king never questioned you."
When he next spoke she shook her head slowly as if to say no, she did not want to hear the words even when she knew that believing them might help him move on. "Whenever you come to Camelot, I beg of you to visit me. I will help keep you hidden and never tell anyone you come to see me. You are a very, very dear friend Lancelot, please believe that. I do not belong to Arthur. He is the prince of camelot and one day will be it's king. He will find a princess, and he will fall in love with her, perhaps he will even marry Morgana. I can not be his queen. The last lady Arthur said he would marry, the king was going to have her arrested, and she was of noble blood. Can you see his reaction over a servant?"
"I can not claim to know Arthur's thoughts, we have barely spoken since our return to Camelot after leaving you in the woods. But I do not think he would wish you never to return. Before I complected things, you two seemed to be becoming friends. Arthur seemed to respect you, and I do not believe that has changed."
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