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Caitrin set Arthur down on the floor as he was starting to tire of being held. He was making small soft cries, which were quite pathetic in a way, but she knew what he wanted. Arthur hadn’t been walking for that long, he was only just around a year old but he had walked a lot later than Esmae and till preferred to crawl around. When he was set down, Arthur began to pull himself around the floor; Caitrin knew he couldn’t get out of the study, and it was safe enough for him here.

She raised her tired eyes to Lucan once again. The only other person who knew what had really happened with Pip was Griff, but that was because there had been no hiding it from him. He had a right to know of course, after all that had happened. She didn’t know where to start, but she needed to tell someone else. She had known Lucan for years now, and he knew the best and worst of her, perhaps not to the extent that Griff did, but he still knew her quite well. Caitrin felt herself tearing up, the knot in her stomach was still there. “I...” Her throat was dry so she took the goblet of wine off the desk in front of her and took a small sip before she continued, “I was on my own in the estate, with the twins obviously, but Griff and my Uncle weren’t there.” She creased her brow, “I don’t know why.” She couldn’t remember much about that night aside from what had happened to her, “Pip let himself in, I told him to leave, but-but he w-wouldn’t.” She could feel herself shaking and so she set down her goblet and wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand, “I tried to get away from him, but he-he got me and-“ The tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and so she stopped to try and compose herself, “I kept screaming for him to stop, but he just...” It hurt to even think about it but she needed to get this off her chest and to tell someone other than Griff. She couldn’t speak with him about it because it upset him, and she knew it did. “He forced me Luc, I didn’t-I couldn’t ever have done that to Griff.” After everything she had been through with her husband there was no way that her head would be turned by anyone else, even one who she had once held affection for.

Caitrin looked round to Arthur who was sat on his own in the middle of the floor happily babbling to himself. Caitrin smiled at him despite the tears that were rolling down her face. She buried her head in her hands, and let out the anguish that had been stored up since that night. Caitrin had coped with her grief in other ways in the aftermath of his attack; her arms still bore the scars of her lowest time. It had helped at first but now the scars were a painful reminder of what had happened to her.

She hadn’t calmed down a great deal, but she listened to Lucan as he told her that his father was dying. Looking up, she wondered if Griff knew, or whether Lucan had kept it from him. Lucan was quite a private person, and might not have wanted to worry his family until he was certain. “Dying?” She repeated with an air of disbelief. Corneous had seemed in good health when he had visited her and Griff over a year ago, but a lot could happen in a year. She knew what the implications of that were of course; Lucan would go back to Glouchedon to become Duke there. “You’ll be a fantastic Duke Lucan, you can show all your own knights how it’s done.” She offered; trying to lighten the mood a little.

Caitrin gave Lucan a knowing little smile. Of course she and Griff would spoil Lucan’s children rotten because he already did that with Esmae and Arthur. They didn’t have the money to spoil them too much anyway; the estate was healthy, but they hardly lived as well as she would like. “Just try and stop us.” She pulled a face at her brother in law, and picked up Arthur again as he had walked back to her side.

Caitrin wasn’t that surprised that Mordred just wanted to be called without the formalities. A lot of the knights chose to be like that; her own brother in law included. She knew quite a few of the knights quite well. She was good friends with Arthur, and so she had spent a lot of time in the castle. Caitrin had never been a shy being, so she had introduced herself to most of the knights in the castle throughout her years here. “As you wish, Mordred.” She gave a short curtsey, sure that he wouldn’t require one, but she felt like she wanted to all the same as a mark of respect. Caitrin didn’t know much of what had led Arthur to knight Mordred, but she was sure that he must have set a lot of pride in t man for it all to go through so quickly. She brushed down the front of her bottle green dress, and looked round at Esmae who was looking at her mother expectantly, as if waiting for further instruction. The girl was holding onto her skirts, and had now shifted her gaze to Mordred; Arthur on the other hand had gone to sit with Alfie back with the basket. Caitrin let her eyes gaze over her sons before letting her attentions return to Mordred.

She was sure they were going to have to agree to disagree, so she politely just smiled and nodded, “Some probably wouldn’t share that view, my Lord.” Children screaming and shouting wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea and Caitrin respected that. The older generation often just rushed past them in the gardens, muttering and shaking their heads. “My name is Lady Caitrin Aubert.” She inclined her head a little to Mordred, giving her married name rather than her maiden name. She wondered if Mordred knew either the de Archers or the Aubert’s. They weren’t that well known in Camelot. “How are you finding knighthood my Lord?”

Caitrin had accepted Lucan’s invite after spending most of the time after being released from the dungeon in complete solitude. It hadn’t been good for her; most of the time had been spent in her room, or just around the estate in general. She had made an effort today, mostly to show Lucan that she was grateful but also for herself in a way. She was wearing a tightly laced green dress which cut low and complimented all the right areas. Her hair flowed around her shoulders and she took the seat that Lucan had offered to her. Caitrin smoothed down the silk of her dress and looked across at the knight as he spoke, “I never said I didn’t think highly of you.” She said softly. They might have had their differences, but being in the dungeons had changed a lot of that.

She took the goblet of wine and smiled her thanks. Was she fine? Could she lie and just say that she was fine? Caitrin had been able to lie to her Uncle, and others around her to say that she was fine, and recovering, but she wasn’t sure how far she believed that herself. Lucan would understand wouldn’t he? But perhaps it was a little premature in the conversation to be pouring her heart out to him after all he might not even want to hear it. He could just be being polite. “I’m a lot better now than I was when we last met.” That wasn’t a lie but neither was it the entire truth. “What about you?” Caitrin asked gently, raising her eyes to Lucan.

Being here reminded her of her time with Griff. She hadn’t seen him in months, and she knew that he had every reason to hate her, but she had hoped that he would have been able to see how much she did love him. Caitrin bit her lip, she never was that fortunate, and she felt like she was existing at the moment rather than living. Perhaps this was the evening to change that, because she really needed to be brought out of her cycle of self pity, “Can we call someone to make the fire please?” She asked hopefully “I’m a little cold.”

The day was looking bright, and Caitrin was glad she had thought to bring the children into Camelot today. It had been a week since the latest knighting ceremony, and Camelot had returned to an air of normality after the usual festivities. No doubt Arthur had some joust or tournament up his sleeve in the near future. Caitrin had made up her mind to take her eldest two, Esmae and Arthur, to the next tournament. Arthur already had a fascination with the knights, and if she took her son then her daughter would want to tag along as well even if she didn’t enjoy it. Alfie was too young to see such things yet though, Caitrin felt. As she was of Mercian descent she felt like she had a different take on how to raise children, and what they should be exposed to. She took a personal approach, and believed that a relative small amount of life should be sugar coated for children. Caitrin was the youngest daughter of a Mercian warlord, so she had been used to soldiers and bloodshed from a very young age. It hadn’t done her any harm, and her children would receive a similar upbringing, though she wouldn’t be following her father’s example in many ways. She still bore the scars of her childhood.

Today though was about her children. Alfie was sat down by the basket she had brought with them and was playing thoughtfully with his stuffed toy. Esmae and Arthur were much more active, and Caitrin was playing a game of tag with them. They had taken a while to grasp the concept of what to do, but now they had they seemed to be enjoying themselves. At the moment Esmae was the one who was supposed to be chasing them, but she had targeted her brother instead of her mother, which seemed to just result in shrieking from both of the twins as they charged round the gardens. Esmae had to hold up the bottom of her little dress to stop herself from tripping on it; Caitrin had to stop herself laughing at the sight, as she reminded her so much of what she had been like as a child.

Esmae, realising she couldn’t catch Arthur, then turned to her mother and charged towards her. Caitrin jumped back, but as Esmae’s hand came to rest on her leg, she realised that they weren’t alone. The man had nearly walked into her, and Caitrin spun around to face him; Esmae was already clutching onto her skirts in her usual manner. She was a confident child, but she preferred it when her mother spoke to a new person before introducing herself. “Oh, it’s fine, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She looked at the knight, and then smiled knowingly, “It’s Sir Mordred isn’t it? I was at your knighting ceremony last week.” She explained, mainly so she didn’t look like some sort of strange stalker, “We weren’t disturbing your walk were we? My little rabble can be quite loud.” She laughed and mussed up Esmae’s hair, the girl gave a toothy grin, but still stayed behind her mothers skirts; weary of this new man.

Caitrin smiled at Nora, as long as she knew that she was giving the girl some reassurance with her care it made it worthwhile. She didn’t ask for rewards for doing her job, and neither would she expect them, but it was nice to know that their work was appreciated sometimes. “He’s in the best hands here.” She said proudly, but also with an air of reassurance.

She shrugged a little when Nora asked her what kinds of foods she preferred now. At some of the pregnancy classes she had been forced to attend some of the women told her about the strangest combinations of foods that they now liked. One woman now ate toast with ketchup. Caitrin didn’t have anything like that yet, but she still had quite a way to go. However, if she did start having weird cravings then Griff would never let her forget it. “Aside from not liking coffee, I get cravings for fish, and seafood. Weird I know.” She rolled her eyes a little; most of her meals now consisted of fish, she didn’t care what kind of fish, any type did her, but she just knew that she needed it. “I can’t go more than a day without at least one meal of fish.” She chuckled a bit, “By the time I give birth my husband will be tired of seafood paella.” Running a hand through her hair, she wondered when Griff would be brave enough to request a meal other than fish. He had given up arguing with her for the time being as her hormones had been up and down recently.

She took a sip of her tea, glad that she hadn’t gone of this drink. Caitrin wasn’t sure how she would be able to cope without being able to drink tea or coffee. Her stomach turned a little even at the thought of coffee. She couldn’t understand how it repulsed her so much when only a few months ago she had been drinking it by the bucket load most days. She noticed the tears forming in Nora’s eyes as she spoke of her father, and how she couldn’t bear to leave him. Caitrin placed a small reassuring hand on the girls shoulder and gave her a soft smile. It was easier sometimes to let the family members play out their grief however they felt it needed to be done. Caitrin’s job as a nurse was partly looking after the patients, but the other half of her work involved speaking to the family members, and helping them out as well. “Is there a family member who could watch over him while you go to classes?” She asked kindly, only trying to help, “He’s in good hands here, our nurses will make him as comfortable as he can be. You have my word.”

Perhaps she had been a little too hopeful to want an answer to how far along her pregnancy was, given she had only just been diagnosed. Caitrin placed her hand on her belly, wondering how she had been unable to feel this new life within her before now. She felt quite different, like she was on the edge of something completely new. She supposed she was; she was going to be a mother. There was a miniature version of her, or Griff of course, growing within her. Again, she felt completely overwhelmed. It wasn’t like she was naive enough to think that this wasn’t going to happen given how in love she and Griff were. She wasn’t unhappy either, she had wanted this and had been waiting for it since they had gotten married.

Caitrin looked up as Merlin suddenly became quite animated, and declared that he knew of something that would help her sickness. She stood up at first, but she got the feeling that he wanted her to stay put for whatever reason. Caitrin didn’t sit down again, instead she just leant up against the workbench, and once again just amused herself by looking over the different potions and herbs that Gaius kept there. Caitrin looked up again as Merlin returned to her holding out a small vial. She took it gratefully, and eyed up the liquid as she held the vial inbetween her thumb and middle finger. “What’s in it?” She asked curiously, taking off the stopper and smelling the liquid it had concealed, “Do I just drink it all in one go?” She didn’t want to poison herself by taking too much. Caitrin was a herbalist herself, though she didn’t really scream and shout about it. Working with herbs often harked too close to magic for some.

She felt a little nervous almost all of a sudden. That was natural she supposed, but still, she felt like she was inflicting him with her emotions. “I’m sorry I’m asking so many questions.” She said softly; she still hadn’t drunk the liquid yet. “It’s just....” She gave a small, sad smile, her thoughts carried her back to her miscarriage. That had been such a dark time in her life, and it was natural that being pregnant again would bring back those memories but still, how comfortable did she feel speaking about it all? “Sorry, I’m being ridiculous; ignore me.” She said dismissively, but her lips were still curled into a sad smile.

It was days like this that Caitrin truly enjoyed being a mother. It wasn’t that Caitrin didn’t always enjoy motherhood, but there were times when it was hard, and it had driven her to the point of exhaustion when the children had been very young. Tending to three small children had been more work than she could have possibly ever imagined. One would wake as the others fell asleep, and there had been some nights when she had not gotten any sleep whilst looking after them all. Now they were all a little older it had gotten easier, and she was a lot more rested which meant she had more patience and energy to spend on days like this. She wouldn’t give this up for the world, she loved being a mother, and she loved all her children with every inch of her being. The children, and Griff of course, were her world. They were the first ones she thought about when she woke, and the last that were on her mind before she went to sleep.

Alfie was still in her arms as they chased after Esmae, who had tried hiding behind a nearby bush. Caitrin had spotted her, but Alfie hadn’t yet, “Where is she Alfie?” Caitrin asked her son, who looked bewildered, and squirmed in his mother’s arms, and so she put him down so he could find Esmae himself. Alfie, though half the age of his siblings, seemed determined to keep up with them both, and he was doted on by the twins; especially Esmae. The girl giggled from her hiding place, which caught Alfie’s attention. Caitrin frowned as Esmae ran out of her hiding place; she had been expecting Arthur to be hiding with his sister. “Esmae, where is Arthur?” Esmae spun around on her heels, and pulled a face when her twin didn’t appear. Caitrin’s blood ran cold, and her heart froze in her chest for those few moments. “Arthur?” She called out, then repeated it with a larger sense of urgency. Of course a rational mind would have just assumed Arthur had strayed too far out of sight, and that he was fine, but Caitrin was anything but rational with this sort of situation. Esmae had taken Alfie’s hand, and was mostly pulling him along as Caitrin began to search the bushes, still calling out for Arthur.

Arthur Aubert, in the meantime, was staring at the man he had collided into, and went a dark shade of red, not because he was upset, but because he was shy. He knew this was the King, because he had been told so, and he nodded at his question as he wasn’t hurt. Arthur, however, couldn’t remember where he had left his mummy, he turned his head around but she wasn’t there. His brother and sister weren’t there either. Where had they all gone? The man was speaking again, so Arthur turned round to look at him. He stared at the Kings hand for a few moments before taking it, and gave a toothy smile, realising then that the King was actually really tall. He was taller than his daddy, which meant he was very tall. His mummy still wasn’t there, and he was realising quickly that he felt quite worried at the fact she wasn’t here. He looked up at the King, as he was so tall, he could probably see Arthur’s mummy. The little boy very much hoped so and so waited for him to move.

This was the first feast really that Caitrin had attended where her condition was visible to those around her. She had been badgered by questions all night, but she didn’t mind, she enjoyed it more than anything. Caitrin hadn’t really expected many nobles at court to pay her much attention in her condition, after all many of the people here had been quite weary of her at first. Relations between Camelot and Mercia had never been at their best, and though a treaty held at the moment there was no saying how long it would last for. Caitrin’s hand smoothed over her belly as she felt the child stir within her. It took her breath away a little whenever she thought about being a mother; there was this life within her that she and Griff would have to tend to and care for. They would be a real family, and this child would be so loved, and have everything neither of them had had during their childhood.

She smiled at her new acquaintance, wondering why she had not caught her eye before at court. There were always so many new faces that you were bound to miss one once in a while weren’t you? Caitrin wasn’t sure what to think when the young girl merely inclined her head, and didn’t do her the courtesy of a more formal greeting. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Aryenne.” From the girls accent, she guessed that she was from the noble stock of Camelot, rather than another kingdom. That would make sense of course, there weren’t many from other kingdoms; Caitrin and her husband were an exception rather than the rule. She enjoyed it though. Arthur had looked out for her when she had first arrived in Camelot, despite the way things were with Mercia he had still took the time to look out for her and now she could call him one of her closest friends.

Arthur of course had been the first person she had confided in about her condition, aside from Merlin and Gaius of course but that had been for medical reasons. She had even told Arthur before she had told her husband. Caitrin had been so afraid to tell Griff, as they hadn’t had the best role models growing up so she hadn’t known how he would react. He seemed to be coping relatively well, but he did have some time before the baby arrived. “I still have five months left, so there’s still quite a lot of growing to go.” She grinned, and ran her hand over her belly, not sure how she would be able to cope by the time she came full term given how large her bump already was. “Though five months feels like too long to wait.” Caitrin joked lightly, before deciding to turn the conversation to Aryenne, rather than her unborn child, “Are you here alone my lady?”

The guard, Thomas, had now drawn up his horse alongside Caitrin’s, and looked attentively over the scene whilst still keeping an eye on the road to make sure that they weren’t set upon. As Xenia began to try to steady her breathing, Caitrin turned to the guard, and gave him a sort of reassuring smile, “We can’t stay here my Lady, the roads are too dangerous at night. Either we go back to the estate or we press on to Camelot.” The decision would hardly be an easy one, but Caitrin knew it would have to be made. There was no way she was travelling to or from Camelot in the dark with only one guard for them both. She looked back to Xenia, and nodded as the girl began to explain her medicine, how often she took it and what it contained. They were all ingredients that Caitrin was familiar with.

A fresh spring? Caitrin couldn’t recall ever seeing one this far out of her Uncle’s lands. Looking round to Thomas, he offered her no answer either other than a shake of his head. That was hardly reassuring. “There is no spring, but we have fresh water back at the estate.” She reared her horse forwards, and then changed the direction so she was facing back home, “And there will be fresh water in Camelot. We can prepare your medicine at either location, but it is your choice to which we travel to.” She said lightly with a smile. Caitrin didn’t mind whether the princess wanted to go back to the estate, or travel onto Camelot but they were going to have to make a decision quickly if this journey was to run its course. She didn’t want to cause the Princess any discomfort either, so speed was of the upmost importance.