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Robyn did have a point, after all, travelling and meeting new people was exactly what Celyn was doing himself. And he was enthusiastic about it. He'd wanted to see the world, or as much as it as he could before he took the throne. He wanted a wider knowledge, a better understanding of the different kingdoms, of the ways of live of different people from all cultures and backgrounds. He believed this was the way to become a better king. His father had never left Sugales, and he was the one who was responsible for Robyn's injury. When Celyn eventually took the throne he would have experience and an understanding his father had never had, and hopefully, his travels will have helped set the foundations for him to become a great ruler. "I know exactly what you mean." He replied with a warm smile. It seemed that they had more in common than either of them had realised.

He nodded at her explanation, the smile still across his features, although he was becoming a little skeptical. It seemed to him that her words had been a disclaimer, an excuse if it turned out to be nonsense. But he let her continue, firstly because it would be rude not to, and secondly because part of him wanted her to be correct. He watched her inspect his hand, feeling a little self conscious and nodding at the appropriate parts in her explanation. It wasn't terribly convincing, but then she was yet to make any predictions. He was ready to be impressed. "So what must I watch out for then? Anything interesting?"

Caitrin was glowing - motherhood clearly suited her. He knew she would be a wonderful mother, she certainly looked the part. She looked beautiful, but then she always did. She had one of those rare things - equality in her inner and outer beauty. He just looked at her for a few moments, not realising just how much he had missed her, missed seeing her, until she was in front of him. Rather impressively, he hadn't noticed the small child she was holding until said child was in between the pair. No, his entire focus had been one her, but now he noticed the baby and gave this new person his attention. The child...was it a boy or a girl? He couldn't tell, but he could tell that they looked like their mother. And...and their father, but he'd been trying to ignore that, or rather not ignore but just accept. Griff was Caitrin's family, and had been for some time. Celyn was just her friend. The sooner he could just accept this, the easiest it would be. It was just hard to give up hope.

He made a "hmm" sound in response to her question, pressing his lips together as if giving the question some serious thought. "Do I want to meet your children? Oh I suppose. It's only polite." His faux seriousness was betrayed by a smile. He often found himself smiling in her presence, it was just an effect she had on him. It wasn't the only effect she had on him, and now he was with her again, his feelings were only becoming stronger. Despite how hard he tried, he couldn't help it, and he was fully aware of how inappropriate such feelings were - especially at a time like this - but there was no denying the fact that he loved her. He always would. But she wasn't going to know, and she wanted to show him her children, so he tried to ignore the heartache she always caused and kept smiling because she was happy and he was with her, no matter what the circumstances were, so he was happy too.

Celyn was going to be fine, or rather he wasn't, but he was going to pretend he was going to be fine. He was going to present himself to the world as fine because that's what the children needed. Jesu, this was absurd. How had he got here? How had he managed to find himself in a carriage with someone else's children, with the responsibility to look after them? With Rouland gone he was completely on his own, and the realisation was beginning to kick in. This was it, for the rest of his life he was the guardian to these children. Their wellbeing was his sole concern. He didn't know what he was doing. He'd looked after them before, when...when Caitrin...he'd looked after them, and they'd all survived but he didn't know how to raise them. He was hardly an adequate substitute. For the first time since...he sighed, he was going to have to learn to say the words, or rather think the words "since Caitrin died". For the first time since Caitrin died he realised just how unprepared he was. This was completely foreign territory. Caitrin had always been such a good mother, she was their mother, and now she was gone and he didn't know what he was doing.

“How long does it take to get to Su-S- to where we’re going?”

Arthur's words pulled him away from his thoughts, and to be honest he was rather grateful of the distraction. "Sugales." he corrected the boy with a gentle smile. Home, a place he hadn't been in years, a place that had been hanging over him, threatening him with the knowledge that one day he would be its king. He'd have to leave Camelot to perform his royal duties. He'd have to leave Caitrin, but she'd left him first. How fitting. "A few days. "Do you know what Albion looks like? On a map? Sugales is right on the edge and we're in the middle." He explained, using his hands to represent the two kingdoms before running one of "Camelot" through the boy's hair, his ginger hair, just like his mothers.

He needed to stop doing that, he told himself firmly. He needed to stop thinking about Caitrin all the time, something that would be impossible with her children but he had to because thinking about her, remembering her just hurt, far too much. He couldn't do this, he'd thought he could, he wanted to, but he just couldn't. It was too much to ask, even from her. He couldn't look after her children, Griff's children, and be reminded every single day that the woman he had loved was dead. He wasn't strong enough. He wanted to run, to stop the carriage and just disappear and forget everything. But he couldn't. Caitrin wanted this. She trusted him. He had to at least try before he let her down.

"Are you alright Uncle?"

Esmae must have noticed his obvious distress. Brilliant. Here he was thinking he could just pretend he was fine and no one would notice. He sniffed and managed a smile before nodded. "Yes, I'm...I'm fine thank you." He wasn't going to return the question, it was obvious she wasn't alright, none of them were, well, apart from Ellyn and Catelyn but only because they were too young to understand. So he decided to change the subject and gestured towards the rabbit. "So what's this handsome sir called then?"

Celyn was beginning to relax a bit more now, before he’d been far too busy trying to argue his point and prove that she was the one in the wrong. He’d been annoyed and on-edge, but now the two of them seemed to be getting along he was able to stand back a bit and just enjoy conversation with her. This was, after all, what he had wanted when he’d left Sugales. He wanted to meet new people and experience their ways of life before he became king and could no longer just leave the kingdom whenever he wanted.

Obviously, this was the best conversation topic. He was taken slightly off-guard by her enthusiasm, which, thinking about it, he shouldn’t have been surprised by. She was clearly a passionate woman so it was only natural that she should show the same passion about her work. “A very enthusiastic entertainer I see,” he said with a smile. Now that they had gotten past their differences, he was beginning to enjoy her company.

The last part of her speech caught his attention. Fortune reading? Was that even possible? He was rather sceptical. Of course he knew about magic and he knew that some people really could see the future, but from someone’s palm? He doubted this was nothing more than a trick, unless Robyn really could see the future but wouldn’t that make her a sorcerer of some sort? Celyn hadn’t been in Camelot for very long, but he knew that those that truly had magic did not boast about it, quite the opposite in fact. His curiosity had been well and truly piqued. He raised an eyebrow, “You can read my fortune, can you? Now that is something I would like to see.”

Celyn was wondering how long it would take for the more personal questions to start. Luckily, he’d met enough royals and shared enough meals with them to know how to behave and what to say in these situations. Vivian was trying to play him, and that was fair enough, but he wasn’t going to rise to the challenge. Besides, he’d heard about King Olaf. He glanced at the man, trying to determine what he thought about the conversation, but his expression was giving nothing away. Brilliant. “Indeed they do, my lady. They have quite exceeded my expectations.”

Oh Jesu. It seemed he’d already managed to make an enemy out of the king. When he’d said education he definitely hadn’t meant that. Of course not! He cringed and deliberately didn’t look at Olaf for fear of angering the man more. Vivian had already moved on in conversation so maybe if Celyn just followed suit, Olaf would look less like he was ready to cleave him in two. “My kingdom?” He paused, it was always difficult to talk about his own kingdom in front of royals. He didn’t want to do Sugales a disservice, but at the same time, some royals got a little...tetchy if they thought he was implying his home was superior to theirs. “It is very beautiful, very wet.” He gave a small smile. Sugales always smelt like damp earth, it was the best smell there was. “And there’s probably more sheep than people.” He shrugged, that was probably enough for now. Vivian appeared to be bored very easily and he was trying to keep her attention.

It felt rather strange, being stood in Caitrin’s home without her, well, she was on her way but even so. On the few occasions he had been here he’d always been taken there with her. Now however he was just standing there, rather awkwardly. No doubt when Caitrin appeared she would expect him to know exactly what they were going to do because if he was going to just turn up he could at least have a reason, instead of expecting her to think of everything – that would probably be her logic, anyway. Well, he did have a sort of plan, more of a suggestion really but it was something.

Rather embarrassingly, as soon as he heard the sound of footsteps he started grinning. He seemed to do a lot of that in Caitrin’s presence and he wasn’t quite sure why. Well, there was the obvious reason – he enjoyed her company, but he didn’t grin this much with Ifan. Then again, Ifan didn’t go around wearing dresses like that...anyway. “My lady,” he gave an equally exaggerated bow, looking up just in time to see her little jump. It was such a simple thing, but it was a Caitrin thing. Not many ladies would dare jump, especially not in the presence of a prince. It was a small rebellion, but it was one all the same, and Celyn found himself rolling his eyes, a small smirk on his lips. She was on form, today then. “I am indeed, you see before you your knight in shining armour. Or prince, but the image is the same.” He extended his arms slightly, inclining his head as if presenting himself in all his shining armour-y glory for her approval. “Will I do?”

It seemed rather ridiculous, but Celyn found himself rather at a loss of what to do with himself when Caitrin de Archer wasn't around. Everyone else seemed so boring in comparion - the only true fun to be had was with her. It was only fitting, he supposed, after all, he'd first met her when he'd been forced to drag her into a bush to escape Ifan. As he rode towards the Archer estate - somewhere he'd only been twice before - he couldn't help but look forward to seeing her. She didn't know that he was on his way, that would ruin the surprise. He had a feeling Caitrin was the type to appreciate surprises, so he wasn't going to deny her this one. Hopefully her uncle would not be present. He was yet to meet Lord Rouland and from what he'd been told by Caitrin he doubted such a meeting would end well. Celyn didn't care much for cyncism, something which seemed highly valued by the nobleman. No, Celyn was more interested in enjoying life and at the moment he was interested in enjoying this particular day of his life with Caitrin.

On reaching his destination, he led his horse around to the stables. It was rather good timing, a servant was already there, feeding another horse when he approached. The man gave him a questioning look. "I am Celyn ap Llewellyn," he informed the man after dismounting, "I am here to see Lady Caitrin."

The man didn't say anything, he just took the reigns from him and led the horse further inside. How welcoming, Celyn thought before making his way to the buildings entance. After announcing himself for the second time, he was made to wait in the parlour while another servant went to tell Caitrin of his arrival. Suddenly this idea didn't seem so good. What if she didn't want to see him? How embarrassing that would be. He pressed his lips together and tried to tell himself not to be quite so nervous. That was another ridiculous thing. He was just meeting with a friend to enjoy their company, not marching into battle. There was no reason to suspect anything more or less than a day pleasantly enjoyed.


Tagged: Caitrin
Timeline: Series 2-3 gap (in between I'm Hiding. Go Away and Catch Me If You Can)

The peace of the morning was fading all too fast. He could feel Caitrin stirring next to him. Couldn't they just stay like this? Jesu, if there was ever a time to hate Griff Aubert it was now. It was his leaving that had broken Caitrin in the first place, that made Celyn come here, that made Caitrin so desperate last night, and, Celyn thought with bitter irony, it was Griff who was the only person who could make this sorry mess any better. It wouldn't matter what Celyn did, or said, or felt, if Griff ever stepped back intro Caitrin's life she would go back to him. He would hurt her again, Celyn was sure of that, and he would watch and then try desperately to look after her but it would never be enough. He would never be enough.

He loosened his arm around her waist so she could roll over easily. She looked so beautiful, so natural, almost like the old Caitrin. And she was smiling, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless and one that he matched. Seeing her face just brought back all the feelings of guilt, all those voices in his head telling him last night should not have happened. He had taken advantage of Caitrin at a time when she had needed a friend. She hadn't needed him, she'd needed a friend. Celyn had managed be anything but a friend last night. He'd been acting purely for himself, pretending this was what Caitrin wanted when he should have just stopped. He should have treated her better.

As she spoke the smile faded from his lips. How could be possibly hate her? He loved her. There was not a part of her, a single part, that he didn't love. She was everything. No, he hated himself and he hated Griff but he could never hate her. Once again, he wanted to tell her. He wanted her to know that even though Griff had abandoned her, even though Celyn had used her last night, she was loved and she always would be. But, just like every other time, he couldn't bring himself to say the words. So he just kissed her cheek. "I could never hate you." He bit his lip, avoiding eye contact. "Myself on the other hand."

Caitrin had...miscarried? But...when had that happened? It didn't make sense. She would have told him. She would have said something. How had he not even noticed? She'd had to go through it all alone and he hadn't noticed anything? He ran a hand over his face. Here was Caitrin, struggling to come to terms with such a traumatic experience and all he could think of was how he didn't notice? But then, that was far easier than thinking about Caitrin losing her baby and not telling him. He just stood there, unable to do anything but watch as the woman he loved fell apart. It wasn't his place to put his arms around her, to tell her everything would be fine, to tell she was loved. She had Griff for that, despite everything the man had done to her, it was still always him. It would always still be him.

He shouldn't even be thinking about this. Yet again he was being selfish and putting his own feelings above Caitrin's. She was hurting and all he cared about was the fact that she'd turned to Griff. Why shouldn't she? He was the man she loved, he was the father of the child she'd lost. Celyn was just the friend. Yes, he'd been there for her when Griff had not, yes, he loved her and always would and yes, he would do anything she asked of him. But that wouldn't change anything. He was the friend, and right now he couldn't even do that because he was too busy hating Griff for leaving her, and then hating him all the more for finding her, for being there, for being everything that she wanted.

He just wanted to leave now. Caitrin might still be in need of someone, but that someone wasn't him and now that it seemed her and Griff had managed to put their mess behind them, for the moment at least, Celyn really wasn't needed. He was just sat there, watching them, hating Griff and at the same time trying not to imagine what he and Caitrin must be feeling right now. It was all just...not his place. He needed some time to get his head around everything that had just happened. Neither of them would notice if he just slipped out to get some air. Leaving Caitrin was not something he particularly wanted to do, but he couldn't just stand there watching them in their grief. It wasn't right, or fair.

With one last glance in their direction he headed outside, only to be met with rain. How depressingly predictable. Still, it was better than being inside so he just kept his back to the tavern wall, trying to keep himself as dry as possible, which wasn't actually that dry. How brilliant, the weather wasn't showing much signs of improvement and he highly doubted Caitrin would be too eager to venture forth into the cold, wet night. It seemed like they were going to be stuck here for a few hours yet at least. In which case it was probably wise to try and get them some rooms sooner rather than later, just in case some of the other patrons had a similar idea. Going back inside wasn't something he partiuclarly wanted to do, neither was interrupting Griff and Caitrin but he was just going to have to get on with it. Celyn had been outside for a few minutes but just as expected they didn't appear to have noticed he had gone. Caitrin was still buried in Griff's arms and the young man was just...standing there...an unreadable expression on his face. Maybe it was the shock, either that or he just didn't care. He hadn't cared about Caitrin for months, why should he start now?

"Look, I'm sorry about interrupting but I think we should get some rooms. It's late, dark and raining." He began, looking at Griff. He doubted Caitrin wanted to be bothered with this. "It's probably best if Caitrin and I stay here..." he sighed, "I suppose you..." He broke off, wondering why he was trying to be so sensitive. Griff had done nothing to deserve Celyn's sympathies. "You do what you want Griff. You're good at that."